May 14, 2023, 12:13 PM
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Being a mum is no easy task.
Ahead of Mother’s Day, Mothership spoke to actress Chen Xiuhuan to find out why she decided to put her acting career on hold to raise her daughters, and how things have changed now that they're all grown up.
She has three daughters — Shanisse, 25, Shalynn, 23, and Shavinne, 19.
Putting family first
After giving birth to her first child, Chen decided to step away from showbiz.
She explained:
“Although [acting] was the first thing I fell in love with, and something I really enjoyed, I felt that I had to quit to focus on raising my daughter and providing her with a good education. ”
This sacrifice cost Chen her career, but she shared that it was “worth it”, as it allowed her to develop a close relationship with her daughter.
Over the years, she's also made "small concessions" just to see her daughters smile:
“Let's say we go for lunch, I will not order any [food for myself]. They will order everything, then after [they finish], [I’ll eat] whatever that’s left over.”
Chen’s daily routine revolved around her daughters while they were growing up.
She used to start her mornings with a quick workout before sitting down to go through her daughters' compositions.
Most of her day would be spent chauffeuring them to and fro their respective tuition sessions.
At night, she'd read them bedtime stories in the form of the edited versions of the essays she went through earlier in the day.
“[There are] a lot of the crazy things I did as a mum,” she laughed.
"Who am I?"
It was only when her youngest was in primary school that Chen realised that she no longer knew who she was as a person.
Having devoted years of her life to raising her brood, Chen felt it was all there was to her identity.
She admitted:
“I didn’t know who I was any longer. I only knew that I was a mother, a wife and a daughter-in-law. But who am I?”
Reconnecting with herself seemed like a daunting task, but Chen decided that her first step would be go on holiday once her youngest entered secondary school.
Although Shavinne was "shocked" that she no longer had her mum keeping a watchful eye on her 24/7, the teenager told Chen to do what made her happy.
Along with her close friends Hong Huifang and Zoe Tay, Chen flew to Taiwan to visit Yvonne Lim.
She recounted:
“That was the first time I had such a great time with my girlfriends. I realised, ‘Oh my gosh, I actually like eating pig intestines.' There were so many things that I liked, but had forgotten that I liked.”
The time away from home allowed Chen to see that she was still young at heart — a “girl who just wanted to have fun”.
Learning how to let go
Not every step was as simple as her first.
Used to having a mother who never left their side, not all her daughters took the separation as well as she had hoped.
Chen shared:
“I realised there were some changes in my second daughter. She was always a very understanding girl… But during that [period], I don’t know if she wanted my attention or I let go too fast — we suddenly had a lot of conflict.”
She became visibly emotional at this point, and had to pause for a few minutes to recollect herself before continuing:
“I think [it was] also because I held on to them too tight when they were younger, and I let go too fast, so both parties couldn’t get used to it.
[...]
I guess parents also need to learn how to let go."
As time went on, Chen put in extra effort understand Shalynn better and rekindle their relationship.
Her eldest, whom Chen says is the one she trusts the most — also voiced her opinion.
Her trust meant that she would not interfere when Shanisse, who has performed in musicals and theatre performances over the years, had a performance.
"But one day, she said to me, 'Mummy, why do you always let me handle everything myself? Sometimes, I wished you were there for me too," Chen said.
Reflections
To other mothers out there who feel like they aren’t doing that great of a job, Chen said that motherhood is always a work in progress:
“Parents are always learning. Every time we make mistakes, we learn from it.
Of course, when people look at my Instagram [account], they always think my life is perfect, but they only see the best parts of what I choose to put out there. My family still has lots of ups and downs.”
Nevertheless, Chen reflected, what is most important was that her family still cares deeply for each other at the end of the day.
"I feel [that] the most important thing is love," she opined. "Being there for them and letting them know you'll always be by their side... I feel that's the most important."
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Top images by Hayley Foong, Lee Wei Lin & Chen Xiu Huan's Instagram
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