Follow us on Telegram for the latest updates: https://t.me/mothershipsg

The Covid-19 pandemic has been going on for about two years now. And as we move toward an endemic state, we’re slowly seeing more people going back to their normal routines.

I’ve always taken Covid-19 seriously; I did what I had to do — avoid crowded malls, not stand too close to others in the queue, wear my mask, and more.

But I also admit that this thought has crossed my mind before: What are the chances of me actually getting Covid-19? And anyway, I’m fully vaccinated, so it won't be a big deal.

Amidst the rising number of Covid-19 cases, we’ve been reassured that while we can expect to be infected sooner or later, most vaccinated individuals will be asymptomatic or have only mild symptoms.

But the full reality of the situation — the fact that it impacts people I love more than it does me — hit me hard about a month ago, when I received a text from the Ministry of Health (MOH) informing me that I had been given a quarantine order.

It forced me to come to terms with the questions: What does it mean to be socially-responsible in endemic Covid-19 times? Even if I’m safe, how do I keep my vulnerable loved ones safe?

The stress of putting my grandmother at risk

When I received the call that I had been in close contact with a positive Covid-19 case, I was furious at myself. My initial thought was, “Why the hell would I choose to go out that day of all days?”

I normally don’t go out often for leisure, but the day I decided to go to the movies and have a good time, I turned out to be a close contact with a Covid-19 positive case.

But another realisation then dawned on me: The same day I was in close contact with the confirmed case, I met my 92-year-old grandmother, who is unvaccinated, for dinner.

I went to her home for about three hours – had dinner, chatted with her, and even shared a hug with her before I left. And it never crossed my mind that I could be a threat to her and her health.

Of course, I felt extremely anxious waiting for the results of my first PCR test.

Waiting in my quarantine facility, I checked my phone at least six to seven times, just waiting for the results to come in. I felt guilty that I could have, even in the slightest chance, put my grandmother in harm’s way.

Negative PCR test, but the anxiety was still there

Thankfully, my first test result came back negative. But the anxiety didn’t quite settle, because I wasn’t “safe” until my second test. Because of that, I have to admit that my time in quarantine was not the best, despite being put up in a pretty nice hotel.

I googled the chances of someone testing negative on their first PCR test but then positive on their second two weeks later. I also felt a little under the weather, which, now looking back, was probably just my mind playing tricks on me.

I was just hoping that I could get an answer so I could tell my grandma, and anyone else I met after the day of my exposure, that I tested negative for Covid-19.

At the end of my quarantine order, I took another PCR test, and thankfully it came back negative. I was extremely relieved and finally, for the first time that week, I had a good night’s rest.

Becoming more cautious

Since Singapore’s reopening, there have been varying degrees of restrictions put in place for social gatherings and dining out – wearing of masks, social group sizes and social distancing. For the most part, however, it isn’t illegal to go out.

Before my quarantine order, the fact that we were allowed to go out made me think that everything was pretty good and safe.

And of course, I don’t blame anyone for going out. Everyone wants to regain some semblance of normalcy.

But since my quarantine ended, I have become more cautious and haven’t really left the house much — I wash my hands immediately when I come home, even before greeting my dogs, and make use of public hand sanitisers more often. I’ve also taken it on myself to not visit my grandmas or my young cousins and nephews for the time being, which hasn’t been easy for me.

I think it finally hit me that getting Covid-19 could happen to anyone, including me, and I could be a carrier to more vulnerable people like my grandmother.

However, not being able to visit my loved ones during this pandemic period took a toll on me.

In pre-Covid-19 times, I used to visit my extended family at least once a week and have joyous gatherings during the holidays. With my cousins having kids and my grandmas getting older, I find that any time I can spend with them is precious.

Now, it feels like avoiding them for the time being, for their own safety, would be the right thing to do.

Because while the spread of the virus is out of any one person’s control, we all can minimise the risk of transmission to vulnerable groups. Which is what I fear: being the one to transmit a potentially deadly virus to people like my grandma.

Living in fear is unsustainable

I was pretty hard on myself for choosing to go out for a movie that day; it seemed to me like my decision to have fun could have had dire consequences — the possibility of testing positive and spreading the virus to my grandma.

However, being a close contact or contracting the virus could happen anywhere, and to anyone, whether it be from going to the supermarket, running errands, having a quick meal with a loved one, or sending your kids to school.

I’ve been tracking the daily Covid-19 numbers more diligently and updating my parents regularly – most of the time, the numbers only seem to confirm my worries that the situation isn’t too good right now.

Currently, Singapore’s vaccination rate as of Sep. 22 is 82 per cent — a very respectable rate. Plus, it’s not that we don’t have a good contact tracing system.

But I can’t help but still feel worried and scared.

As case numbers climb and are expected to exceed 3,000 in a couple of weeks, I imagine that we would be faced with these questions: Should we just take extra precautions and give that outing a miss? How many outings should we be turning down? And finally, is it possible to not go out at all? Well, until when?

Lowering transmission & protecting loved ones

In an endemic Covid-19 state, which is the direction we’re inevitably headed towards, we’ll eventually have to live with the acceptance that someone near us may have the virus.

So, good practices will definitely help with lowering the risk of transmission.

Many younger people who are fully vaccinated, including my friends and I, are reassured that it is unlikely for us to fall seriously ill if we were to be infected. But, this isn’t the case for vulnerable people in our community.

Visiting or living with those who are vulnerable isn’t so simple. My vaccinated dad is 70 this year, and his age puts him in a vulnerable position.

For me, I think the best way to keep him safe is to have good practices even at home: wash my hands before touching anyone, use sharing utensils while eating, not go out too often, etc.

When it comes to visiting other vulnerable people, like my grandmother, I’m planning to take an ART test before I go and make sure that I have few to no outings in the week prior to that, just to be safe.

In the long run, we’ll have to learn to live with Covid-19 and just be more careful.

Ultimately I don’t want to live with the guilt that I infected a vulnerable loved one because I was out partying.

I am lucky to be young and healthy, but there’s a community of people who can’t bear the same risks.

Some of these practices that I plan to employ to protect my older family members are easier to keep up with than others. In an endemic state, how long can I really change my behaviour or limit my lifestyle choices because of this fear, before it becomes unsustainable? Honestly, I don’t know.

But getting that Quarantine Order was definitely a much-needed wakeup call for me to think about these questions.

Follow and listen to our podcast here

Top image via Unsplash.