The names of the characters in this story have been changed to protect their identities.

Shawn Tan was charged with lying about having sex with another man when he donated his blood on Dec. 19, 2012.

His blood was found to be infected with HIV, and he was eventually slapped with a S$10,000 fine and a six-week prison sentence.

It was entirely by chance that I came to discover that the young man I read about in the papers two years ago — whose identity is concealed by a gag order — happened to be someone I know: a good friend of mine, at that, whom I had known since our teenage years.

It was a Wednesday night, we were at the playground at the foot of his block, and I asked him why he had shaved his head. It was here, for what was possibly the first time, that my friend ventured to share his story.

In a thorny relationship

Tan was, as you might have guessed, in a relationship at the time. He had just turned 21, and things were stormy between him and his boyfriend.

For months, he said, arguments between them would end in cold wars, and Tan would then "punish" his other half by surfing proximity dating apps like Grindr and Jack'd.

"It's really stupid, but I was angry because I didn't think I was important to him anymore because when I asked him to rank what's important to him, I would always end up fourth or fifth."

Here's where it's important to note that Tan does regret what he did — he sighs with each mention of his ex and speaks quietly at this point, admitting to me that at least in part, he flirted with other guys and went partying because he felt he was still young and so was entitled to have fun.

He admits to drinking more than he usually did, finishing 10 glasses of house pour in a row — by which time both of them were a very long way from sober, and left for another club with a younger crowd.

Unfortunately, Tan's friend left him at that point to join another group of friends, and he didn't object because he was so drunk he "would've said yes to anything".

But because everyone was dancing with their own friends and nobody bothered mixing around, he said he got bored, and by about 3am, decided to call it a night.

One tongue-lashing from his boyfriend over the phone later, Tan found himself collapsed on the curb of a road, crying.

Enter Chad and John

That was when he was approached by two strangers — Tan calls them Chad and his date, John.

Chad, he said, asked him to get into a cab with them, promising to send him home, "or at least I think he did because I was really too f**king wasted".

In the taxi, Tan says he passed out.

They woke him up when they arrived at Chad's place — a condo in the East, where he stays in an apartment on the ground floor, right next to the swimming pool.

"It's late; and you're drunk. Just stay over," Tan recalls Chad telling him when he told Chad he wanted to head home because he had to attend his university's orientation the next day. High on alcohol and a little on lust ("I will not deny it: both of them were pretty good looking."), he admits he did not put up a convincing protest.

They brought him into a room, and Tan lay down on the bed as they smoked and made out by the window.

When they saw him watching, they asked if he wanted to try some of what they were smoking.

"Of course, I was old enough to know that it's not just cigarettes," Tan admitted candidly. "But I was too curious and drunk to say no."

He found out later that it was ecstasy.

When the drugs kicked in, Tan confessed that he slipped from "choosing not to think" to "not being able to think": thoughts of his boyfriend, his family and the orientation program he had to attend were lost to him. All he wanted to do was to ride the high and just have fun.

And so, he says, he did not refuse them when they asked if he wanted to try ice, as well as something else they called G ("I still have no idea what this is," he admits at the same time).

And then, he says quietly, he performed oral sex on them. This time, though, he spoke not out of shame but with a silent acknowledgement of his own actions. Certainly, he said, he doesn't blame anyone for what happened anymore.

A cut in his lips

The next day, Tan was woken up by a sharp pain from his lips. He said he realised they were swollen and bleeding only when he looked into the mirror.

Chad assured him there was nothing to be worried about, though, he said — it was just a side effect of the drugs he took, and it would go away quickly.

Tan thought nothing more of it, and one text lying to his boyfriend that he got home safe later, the three of them got physical again. This time, again, Tan says he only performed oral sex on them, so he thought he was safe.

He also thought he had taken down Chad's number on his phone, but it wasn't there when he tried to find it again. Nonetheless, he reconciled with his boyfriend and thought nothing of the two encounters he had.

When sh*t hit the fan

Tan found out he has HIV when the Health Sciences Authority called him to meet one of his doctors.

His parents found out two years later when he was away on a school trip; Tan had left his legal documents for his ongoing case (for falsely declaring that he did not have sex with another man before donating blood) lying around his table.

They did not tell Tan that they knew until they came to fetch him at the airport.

"There was shouting, and a lot, a lot of crying (in the car),” he struggled to say, but he was grateful for his mother’s assurance that she would love him “no matter what”.

But everything else in his life, he says, unravelled from there.

Just a few days after he landed back in Singapore, Tan said he was taken in for police questioning, where he had no choice but to confess that he did not declare that he had sex with another man before donating blood.

He also recalls he had to return to school the very next day, and so had no time to process everything that was happening: the ongoing investigation, university and guilt from his mother — and the lifelong incurable virus now inhabiting his bloodstream.

"It was too much for me. I didn't eat, I couldn't sleep, I was always tired, and I just kept crying and crying. I even thought of killing myself when my boyfriend broke up with me."

Luckily, because of his siblings and his mother, Tan says he couldn't bear to do it.

"They became my only motivation to do anything — going to school, going to court, and going to prison."

Prison did not turn out to be as bad as he thought, thankfully.

"Everyone inside was really nice to me,” he said. “And I had a lot of time to read, and to reflect.”

But I could tell from the pained look on his face that he was not comfortable with going further than that.

HIV: a manageable disease, but still incurable

The case took about a year to conclude, but for Tan, the repercussions of that fateful night will haunt him for the rest of his life — seeing a photo of his ex, passing a blood donation centre, or whenever he has to take his nightly medication to suppress the symptoms of the virus.

But he says these days he has learned to better cope with these "demons", and count his blessings.

Tan says he is thankful that he belongs in a time where HIV is a very manageable disease, and not a killer epidemic.

Apart from having to remember to take a pill before he sleeps, he does not experience any physical repercussions, and his day-to-day routine is not disrupted.

“But I still get depressed some times. I still want to find a time machine so I can go back and undo whatever I did."

Opening up to me for a platform like this was certainly not easy for him, especially because he had done so twice before and got burned: the first, a close friend who liked him, couldn't accept what he did; the second, a date that did not end well, went around telling others that he has HIV.

Tan admits that till today, he is still not able to forgive himself for his mistakes, but says he is sharing his story in the hopes of bringing to the fore discussion about a very real problem that isn't sufficiently talked about publicly.

Crucially, for instance, be careful whom you interact with, and if you enjoy partying and drinking, be sure to always hang out with people you know, trust and can rely on. Having intercourse is a choice you are free to make, but be conscious that the spread of sexually-transmitted diseases like HIV is entirely possible.

People living with HIV today live lives very much like anyone else's, but are shunned as soon as it becomes known that they have it. HIV is spread through the blood and semen, and not through casual social contact, food, toilet seats or even insect bites.

It's also important to note that HIV infection is not limited to homosexual activity, but can also be passed between men and women, and even from infected mothers to their babies.

Recent statistics published in the media also show that the number of new diagnosed cases of HIV fell in 2016, as this graphic from The Straits Times shows, as well. But there are likely more unreported cases of infections, as even the Ministry of Health hesitates to state or predict a downward trend.

You can read more about HIV and the situation in Singapore here.

(Editor's note: A previous version of this article incorrectly detailed how Tan learned that he has HIV and has since been corrected. We wish to clarify, on behalf of the Health Sciences Authority, that it strictly upholds the confidentiality of all our blood donors' personal information and test results.

HSA does not divulge details of our donors’ medical condition to parties other than the donor himself/herself, except to the authorities for the purposes of investigations into any false declarations made by the donor under the Infectious Diseases Act.

HSA's protocol is to invite the donor to meet with an HSA senior medical officer if there are any concerns regarding the blood test results. The outcome of the blood test will only be conveyed during the meeting and not over the phone.)

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Top photo of "Shawn Tan" courtesy of Goh Wei Hao.

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