Today I got into a Grab/Gojek car from the office, and the driver, in the spirit of making conversation, asked:

"Oh you work in the canteen ah in Google?"

I wasn't sure I heard him correctly. "Canteen?"

"Yeah, the food court upstairs."

Took me a moment to process what he said and the implications.

"No, I work in Google."

"Oh."

My immediate feelings were a confusion of humiliation, anger and indignation. Just because I'm a Malay woman in hijab, it was immediately assumed that I work in the canteen when he picked me up at the office - because surely, someone like me cannot be working in Google, right? Wrong. I was very obviously upset, and the driver didn't say anything after that.

There's nothing wrong about working in a canteen, let's be clear about that, but racial microagressions like this is draining, unfair and points towards stereotypes and judgements made by virtue of your perceived race/group. For some one of us, this is a daily occurrence, and it. is. tiring.

What are microaggresions?

Microaggressions are the brief and everyday slights, insults, and denigrating messages sent to people perceived to be of particular groups by well-intentioned others who are unaware of the hidden messages being communicated. Sometimes they are casual jokes, offhand remarks and thoughtless behaviour.

These messages may be sent verbally ("Oh you work in the canteen?/ That female leader is such a bitch"), nonverbally (moving seats when someone of a particular race, religion or gender sit next to you) or environmentally (a workplace that is predominantly a single group, conversations that are done in a language that excludes some in the workplace). Microaggressions can be based upon any group that is marginalized in this society - racial, gender, sexual orientation, religion, disability etc.

The key here is the unawareness of the communicator, and how it may be seen as trivial and one-off. But here's the thing: microaggressions are active manifestations or a reflection of our worldviews of inclusion/exclusion, superiority/inferiority, and desirability/undesirability. Much of this is outside the level of conscious awareness, thus we engage in actions that unintentionally oppress and discriminate against others.

So what can we do? If you've read through all of this, great - you're aware of this now. We're living in a diverse society, and we take up varying and changing spaces of privilege - microaggressions *will* happen. Be conscious of this and pick up when it happens. Check yourself. Feel empowered to point it out and correct it, or reframe the conversation. Be an ally to whoever the recipient of the microaggression and remove the burden of having them address it themselves. If and when you get pointed out, be gracious, apologise and try to understand why whatever you said or did was felt as offensive.

If you have ever faced any microaggressions, it is valid if you felt anger, upset, or also confused because you didn't know how to react. If you react, you might be seen as too sensitive or intolerant. Like, how can you say "Hey, that's mean," without 'hurting or offending' the person who uttered the remark? How can you call it out without further cementing your outsider-ness in a group?

It's messy and there's no right or clean answer to this. But a good first step is to be aware of it and not accept it as normal. We can do better than accepting and perpetuating damaging stereotypes and discrimination.

I know I challenged someone's stereotype today when I corrected him and I honestly don't know what effect it will have on him. But I do know this: If you're ever in a position to break stereotypes and create a new normal that will uplift others, please, go ahead and do it and do it well.