Likely a lowkey jab at unwoke Singaporeans who haven’t hopped onto the brown rice bandwagon even after our nation’s declaration of War on Diabetes, a school of piranhas spared the life of a man only after being offered brown rice ba zhangs by a quick-thinking samaritan.

This was after the piranhas bolted for the unsuspecting man who had fallen overboard during a dragon boat race, which took place Saturday evening at Chi Ren river.

The victim has been identified as 29-year-old dragon boater, Xiang Zhong Zi.

A brown rice advocate speculated, “Orhbigood. This incident is a much-needed wake up call. I know many people who haven’t started eating brown rice, despite its multiple health benefits. It helps to lower the risk of developing diabetes and heart diseases, plus it is rich in fibre, minerals and vitamins, you know?”

An eyewitness, who saw the drama unfold, recounted the incident to Mothership.sg, “Most of us land-dwellers are still eating white rice, which is frowned upon by many piranhas. I guess this is why they resorted to detaining one of us in order to get our attention.”

Realising what the piranhas were up to, an alert passer-by, Ms. Perang, threw a bunch of brown rice ba zhangs into the river to show the frustrated piranhas that humans are willing to cooperate.

“I’ve been hearing that more wildlife are getting involved in the War on Diabetes and becoming increasingly health-conscious. Therefore, I decided to act quickly and offer brown rice ba zhangs to the piranhas,” the hero explained.

According to eyewitnesses, the brown rice ba zhangs worked like magic.

“Oh my god, I saw it with my own eyes, man. They immediately went for the brown rice ba zhangs like it was the best thing they ever tasted!” one race participant exclaimed.

Paramedics took this chance to fish Mr. Xiang out of the water. The dragon boater survived with minor injuries on his toes.

Some race spectators Mothership.sg managed to speak with weren’t all that shocked by the piranhas’ motivation.

Noah Tang, a 38-year-old spectator, shared his thoughts on the incident, “ I can understand the piranhas’ point lah. I also converted to brown rice long ago already. My wife keeps telling me about the risks of diabetes and obesity, so I decided to be more aware of what I eat lor. I guess the piranhas wanted to convey this to us humans too. Mr. Xiang was just in the wrong place at the wrong time.”

Another brown rice convert, a 27-year-old office clerk, echoed, “Brown is the new black. I first started by replacing ¼ of my rice intake with brown rice, and worked my way up. Now I’m a 100% convert.”

Top image via Jon Lin.

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Even fishes are becoming more woke about what they consume. You should be too.

Also, since the Dragon Boat Festival is approaching, start by having brown rice dumplings instead of the regular kind. It’s great - the piranhas let us try some.

The events depicted in the article above are fictitious. Any similarity to any person living or dead is merely coincidental.