Eat Drink Man Woman (EDMW) is a local forum known for its largely frivolous, and at times promiscuous, topics.

But in a recent post dated Wednesday April 11, a woman who goes by the username "~Dragonite~" has turned to its members for serious advice in a very important issue: rejecting the unwanted advances of a man.

While we aren't surprised to find that none of the solutions offered were particularly useful, the thread starter's predicament still makes for an amusing read.

Which is why we're dissecting it.

1) The inane entry, and 0-100 direct attack

Here's the conversation between the EDMWer (who we're going to assume is a girl) and her Unsolicited Suitor (US), which starts off with him saying hi:

US opens with a rather inane question/observation, which reflects a decidedly contrived effort to engage her in conversation.

He also moves fast, boldly asking her out on the sixth text — in other words pretty much right away — which suggests high levels of either confidence or desperation.

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As we go on to see for ourselves, ~Dragonite~'s replies are short and appear uninterested. She even rejects him outright, albeit politely, but we will later on witness and can conclude with certainty that US will not be fazed.

2) The rebound: Asking questions about her when he's actually trying to find an in to impress her with his own skills & credentials

When she ended the conversation in the screenshot above by not replying to his attempts to continue it (a good move and a decidedly clear signal, we'd say), US has no qualms about trying his luck with her again a few hours later.

Here's how he unleashes his second attack — in the dead of night, no less:

Note: DXO stands for Defence Executive Officer, a non-uniformed defence personnel in the Ministry of Defence or Singapore Armed Forces.

Perhaps out of politeness, the girl replies within the minute.

And then comes the onslaught: a rabid, urgent listing of one's achievements in life — the WhatsApp dating elevator pitch, if you will.

True, this approach lacks subtlety, and is laden with risk — a girl used to being hunted by desperate, ego-inflated men would have without a doubt seen this tactic before.

To make matters worse, this move confirms his utter inability to read WhatsApp social cues — or perhaps a slight degree of delusion.

3) Picking up on a sliver of hope (a reply) & trying to compel the extension of the conversation by asking rapid-fire questions

Again, unfortunately, ~Dragonite~ does not reciprocate with the same sentiment, but replies to him anyway.

And in all likelihood, buoyed by the surprise response — chances are, US was prepared to have his messages enter a black hole — he allows just a two-minute lag (perhaps while brushing his teeth) before asking four questions in a row.

"U work for gov?

Defence side one?

Thought u said it's like (censored)

Oh u r DXO in military?"

These are rather probing questions, too, pertaining to her job even after she said it was confidential.

4) Throwing her off with a non sequitur, then trying to re-attempt method 2)

At this point, we are prepared to quite safely conclude that it is no longer confidence US possesses in the buckets.

Because look what happens next, at 1:05am:

~Dragonite~ throws out another rejection in response to that almost non sequitur ("May I compliment you then? / Thanks"), but yet again, we see that US tries his second tactic again — changing the topic, asking her a question about herself, and then immediately talking about himself:

"I'm a project manager in a technology company

I run in my spare time

Usually half marathon or 10km"

(Translation: Look how accomplished I am in life and look how athletic I am too. I also have plenty of stamina, look how far I "usually" run)

So far we know these things about him: he's forthcoming, bold, and might have trouble keeping up with social cues.

5) Back to square one, throwing in a new tactic: including her into his life

And true enough, despite previous rejections, he asks her out again.

And perhaps, in a bid to weave in a new tactic, he spams her with pictures of the sky, the sea and a reservoir — purportedly from his "morning run":

We have to say this is a next-level technique we're at a loss to comment on — US has officially surpassed the limits of our comprehension.

And from what she seems to be saying, that was the last of their conversation.

"I haven't reply the guy since 10.54 this morning :("

How they met

And just in case you were curious, here's how US got her number:

At least now we know how to get a girl's number — just be quick enough to catch her off guard.

~Dragonite~ also revealed that he sat two seats away at the course:

And apparently, after getting her number, US had sent her a text immediately. Perhaps to check if it was a real number?

Plot twist

But here's the twist we didn't see coming:

Top photo via HWZ thread