Complaints about supposedly-materialistic girls seem to be a trope in Singapore's dating scene.

And the latest in these revolves around the same subject, except — surprise — in this particular instance, the internet is mostly speaking in favour of the girl.

Here is the post, submitted to anonymous confession page NUSWhispers:

In case you can't see it (summary below): 

A quick summary of his complaint:

- His girlfriend felt that they were not equal in paying for dates.

- She felt that the guy gifted her items that were "inexpensive" compared with the things she bought him.

- She used her birthday present as an example, saying she and her girlfriends felt that it would be "better not to give" than to buy her such a cheap gift.

- She says he is either a stingy person, or "blissfully unaware" of the price difference.

- When asked for her ideal situation, his girlfriend said she wants them to be “approximately equal” when it comes to paying for things. 

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And here's some context on their relationship: 

- They usually go Dutch on meals.

- When travelling, they take turns to buy each other meals.

- They have been dating for a few months now, and before this episode, he thought she was "the one".

Ergo the guy is puzzled, as he's fairly certain that they pay about the same.

Sometimes, he claims he has even paid more, and he cites their occasional Uber/Grab (which he covers entirely) as examples.

Now, in addition to being "hurt and disappointed", he's been left with a bad taste in his mouth.

Responses

In an unexpected outcome, a good number who commented on the post did so in favour of the girlfriend, and even gave the guy some advice.

Here are some of the responses, starting with one person who assessed that the guy behind the post isn't providing enough security for his girl:

"Looking at the comments on this girl being materialistic and all that stuff about equality just goes to show how much people are missing the point.

This OP has a girlfriend that has a common issue that seems to be popping up. Actually I think the core of the problem isn't that OP is poor or budgets or doesn't understand women. The point is that OP is very likely doing it wrong.

Women need a sense of security. Sure it's going to eat into your expenses a bit but at the end of the day, tiny things like being calculative over every cent and dollar is not going to get you anywhere. Losen up. Be a bit more free about how spending is going to be. Sure she will pay for gifts and outings and meals but don't make it so apparent that it's like a your turn my turn kind of situation. It just makes you look calculative. And she isn't totally wrong.

Where she needs to get her shit together is the part about being approximately equal. Being equal in a relationship is the ideal that we want to achieve but honestly? The world isn't perfect. Someone needs to do the dirty work and there are times when one of you two will have to step up to the plate more than the other. Nothing is ever equal. Is whether you are going to begrudge that you did more than her or the other way around. And she needs to give back to the relationship willingly, not because you asked her.

What you two need is to losen up. Be clear on your objectives. You need to be more open and upfront, know when to tighten or losen your grip on the reins, and let her roam freely as well. She wants to know that you are able to keep her happy and feeling safe. Simple acts of just buying her food is good enough, just don't tarnish it with something like "hey didn't I buy food for you yesterday too? You now have to buy food for me twice, it's on the tab now".

It is inevitable that the men need to be the one to instil a sense of confidence in women. It is also true that the women are the ones who have got the backs of their man. It's a two way street. You should just losen up, stop begrudging the little things and treat her better. Take her out more, don't over spend, just offer to pay quietly without being overly obvious. Judge her from there. See if she brings anything to the plate (which from what you have described, the answer is yes). Keep at it and I guarantee you will have lesser problems."

And this comment about the value of the gifts he was giving that makes a good amount of sense:

"You did not mention what the 'inexpensive gift' was. If those were meaningful inexpensive gifts(e.g. handmade or have special significance) and she didn't like them, then it would probably indicate that she is a little materialistic. But if your inexpensive gifts are all the gifts bought without a thought, I would say you deserve to be shot. Cos if she was really materialistic, she wouldn't have gone dutch with you and taken turns to pay for meals. She was probably upset about the fact that you didn't put in effort to celebrate the special occasions with her. If my other half bought me a photo frame/cup/key chain, I would have shot him in his eyeballs, not because those are cheap gifts, but because they are insignificant and I already told him I hated those kinda stuff. You ask yourself, how much effort did you put into thinking of the gift for her, b4 jumping to the conclusion that she is materialistic."

Which is why these comments about the gift are relevant:

"I like how op never mentions what the gifts involved are."

"If my guess is correct, it's not about how equal you are in spending on day to day expenses but it's on birthday gifts. And she's expecting you to spend more than her for her gift. But then, we don't know what you have given her."

And others who spoke of compromise and communication:

"She thinks; you think. Both of you have different perception of what "equal expenditures" means. Either you two sit down and compromise how to be "equal" or go separate ways. Maybe both of you are financially incompatible."

"Communicate and stop assuming she knows that you paid more."

But again, there were also those who told him to dump her:

"Find a new girlfriend, boy. If she is gonna be nitty gritty on the difference of the cost of a gift.

Wait till you plan your wedding day. BTO or Condo. Home purchase. Home decorations. It will turn from yours is yours, to yours is mine, not even ours.

Good luck."

"No point continuing. Even if u become richer and more generous, she will leave you for the next more richer and generous guy to come along."

"Time to move on. If she thinks like that and in the future you make a lot more than her the expectation is the value of the gift should be proportional to your salary or something along that line and not the significance of it."

Tough.

Top image via Pixabay.