Internet person Xiaxue explains why she unfriended QiuQiu & KayKay in real life
For those of you still following.
Cinerama: Art and the Moving Image in Southeast Asia
12 January 2018 - 25 March 2018, 10am-7pm
Singapore Art Museum
For those of you who are still following: Allegedly popular Internet person Xiaxue has sort of explained why she is no longer friends with formerly close pals and fellow Internet people, QiuQiu and KayKay.
On an episode of The Truth About Xiaxue by YAAAS TV out on Dec. 4, 2016, she was asked about how and why her friendship with QiuQiu and KayKay came to an end — a topic which she has actively avoided talking about publicly because things can get really testy and territorial online.
Long story short: The tension is the result of, like, the blogging world in Singapore is not big enough for all these personalities to get along.
The relevant interview portion starts at the nine-minute mark and below the video is the transcript of what Xiaxue said:
XX: Oh my gosh, must you really? You know that we’re no longer friends, right?
So far, I’ve kept like silent on the topic because, as I’ve said, It’s really, really complicated. But yeah we’re no longer friends, I’m not friends with Yutaki anymore either.
Interviewer: What are friends to you, like is friends-
XX: We used to be really close, like talk every single day…
Interviewer: Like real talk? Like what you’re going through… the situation…
XX: Oh yeah, really, really close, and she’s one of those people whom one of the inner circle who I invited to, you know like, witness my child being born, she’s actually the second friend I called, after my best friend, to say I’m pregnant, ya, other than my mum and Mike who are the first two lah.
Actually the friendship was showing cracks due to like work issues, as well, so like years and years ago it started showing cracks already, she started to distance herself. I tried my really hardest to bring the friendship back to where it was, but it just never really worked out.
Interviewer : Do you still like check on her, I mean I know you’re the queen of stalker mode. Do you like use your friend’s phone and just like, look a bit?
XX: Sometimes, ya I still, I mean she didn’t block me or anything. So I still can openly see, lah. But she’s not talking about me, online anymore, um, for a period of time a group of them were, but I’m glad it kinda stopped, I guess.
You know I look back on it and I just think, It’s like, it was a beautiful friendship, like I enjoyed a lot of my times with them and sometimes thing just end.. you know for a long time I guess, I feel like, is there something wrong with me? Like, why all my friends are leaving me, is it me, you know? And like how would the public perceive this and if they see this they would start saying things like, “Wendy is such a Queen Bee, I bet she bosses them around, like I bet they’re sick of her”, things like that. And it gets to you sometimes, so you start to like, there were times where I’ll question myself and think, is it true? Am I being like that, am I you know… I tried my best to save the friendship, and as long as I know I’ve done right by them, so I don’t think..
XX: KayKay and I, we were friends since a long time ago.
Interviewer: Is it like, QiuQiu friend level, or?
XX: Ya, definitely. Like really close inner circle friend. Definitely from the start when she first told me she wanted to be a blogger, and she wasn’t a blogger to begin with. She was just my friend, my pretty friend whom I would write about a lot of the times, and one day when she told me that, it started to be a bit like, “Really, you want to?” Like, I feel threatened, yes, a little bit, and I feel a bit like, betrayed, in a way because like “you never told me that’s what you want to do.” and that is sort of my area, and you have your area and I already feel that she’s prettier than me, she’s smarter than me, because she was a RGS girl and everything, and she’s more popular with boys than me. It is my thing that you come into my thing and I stupidly enough have let you in by promoting you the entire time without knowing that one day that’s what you’re going to do to me. But of course she didn’t feel it that way, right?
But it’s not as simple as that, it’s not just I feel threatened, I’m a horrible person, I’m selfish, no, I felt immense guilt, like felt so much guilt for feeling that way. Cos I just felt like so bad, like why am I feeling this way, but I do feel this way.
But you feel like shit because she’s my good friend, if I have something good shouldn’t I want to share it with her? And I should want something good for her as well. I’m sure that’s what she feels as well as she has told other people, who have came to tell me that she feels I’m being very selfish and not being supportive of her.
After she told me that she wanted to be a blogger, I subconsciously started to withhold a little bit already. Like it was not a very deliberate, evil move or anything like that, it was just that the feelings were so strong, that I didn’t really want this to happen, but I never told her any of this, I just kept it in my heart. Because I know that what I was feeling was very selfish, and I felt very guilty about it, and I love her a lot as a friend and really, I love her a lot lah.
So I still want her to still be happy and everything, so outwardly I still showed support, and I did lah, I’ll still like her post, and help her promote her things and all. But it came to a point you know, her social media personality started to overshadow her real personality, and I started to miss the old KayKay, I guess, a little bit. And I still miss her till today. You know there are still times where I still think I wish she was here, she had the same taste with me in like clothes, and we’ll joke about so many things, and we like made so many trips to like JB and stuff like that.
Oh my god, like I’m pouring my heart out here, shit.
Top photo via Xiaxue Instagram