It manifests itself in many ways. For most, they start to eat a lot less or more; are constantly tired; become withdrawn; and the most obvious indicator of all, are haunted by a looming sense of help- and hopelessness that they just cannot seem to shake off.

Some have it worse: Because on days when it gets too overwhelming, self-mutilation and suicide actually become very real options.

Regardless, one thing that is the same is that it is not easy to love someone with depression.

Because everything can change when it takes hold: someone who is usually affectionate and clingy can suddenly become withdrawn and distant.

But no matter how bad it gets, one thing that never changes is that: they love you. It is just that on days when nothing feels the same, it is tough to pretend and act like it still is.

That said, it's like any other relationships, you will need to work hard at it – and understand depression.

1) Nobody will ever choose to be this sad

First, know that depression is not something you can will away; you just can't.

The most layman way to describe it is to compare it with flu: You'll never know when it comes but when it does, it makes you feel miserable - sometimes so much that it makes even getting out of bed an insurmountable task.

The difference? There is no pale lips, fever or sore throat. Essentially, beyond slumped shoulders and a change in mood, there are no obvious indicators. That is why many do not believe that depression is real; that it is just an excuse for the petulant to insist on moping around - that it is a choice.

That cannot be further away from the truth.

Managing depression is arduous because there is never just one "trigger". Instead, it usually is a gradual worsening of your mood and when it becomes a cause of concern for you, like when the feeling of hopelessness becomes crippling, by then, you would be overwhelmed by so many problems and stress that you do not even know when to begin resolving them.

Second, and more importantly, nobody will ever choose to feel this way - over happiness, over stability.

Depressed people behave the way they do because they are depressed, period. And before you can love someone with depression, you must first accept and embrace that.

2) Often, four words are enough

[caption width="1439" id="attachment_102404" align="aligncenter"] Source: Imgur[/caption]It is not easy for someone with depression to share with others what they are feeling. And this only gets harder and harder as time passes and more people continue to trivialise your problems by telling you how much worse they have it, or trying to convince you that this is part of your personality - that you are weak.

People with depression are not weak. On the contrary, it takes real strength and grit to get through every episode as you have to focus all your energy on managing the sudden dips and surges in your emotions while going through each day like nothing is wrong.

Thus, what they need is not someone to solve their problems; instead, it is for someone to understand and be there for them no matter what.

So instead of your advice, insights or tough love, often, all it takes is for you to repeat the words: "Everything will be okay."

3) Discuss boundaries

[caption width="500" id="attachment_102407" align="aligncenter"] Source: Tumblr[/caption]An unfortunate - and admittedly, some times avoidable - symptom of depression is lashing out at the people you love.

Yes, let them speak their piece but boundaries are crucial.

When they become inconsolable or unreasonable, give them the time to compose and calm themselves. Then, let them know that what they did was unfair to you - who is trying your best to love them the way you know how.

Because loving someone who is depressed requires you to be understanding but it does not mean you always have to give in. If not, soon, resentment will grow because of words spewed in the heat of the moment.

4) Have faith

Just because they shut you out, it does not mean that they have stopped loving you. Conversely, it is because they love you.

This is because many have been dealing with depression for the longest time.

They probably have seen the ugliest side of depression: how it makes you push the people you love away; hating someone for doing something as innocent as smiling; and most irrational and damaging of all – blaming others for being happy.

That is why, as much as they can, they will want to shield you from all of this. Hence, they will continually reassure themselves that "I have this! I have this!" and try to solve everything by themselves, no matter how hard it might be.

To you, it might seem like they are shutting you out by keeping secrets from you; but to them, it is a way of protecting you.

What people really need to do is to communicate openly and learn each other's way of coping.

5) True love does not conquer all

Just because you found someone, it does not mean that you'll immediately be cured of your depression.

This is not a rom-com.

Whenever the relationship sours, the arguments, insecurities and misunderstandings are a huge toll on you - and it might even cause you to go on the downward spiral.

And depending on how much you love the other person, when it ends, it might actually leave you in worse shape than you were before.

But as the cliche goes: to love is to be vulnerable, and another cliche to complete the picture: loving someone is giving them the power to hurt you but trusting that they won't.

Just because it might hurt - and it probably will - does not mean that it is not worthwhile. Because having someone that loves and understands you gives you the stability and peace of mind - exactly what you need to counter the chaos inside of you.

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Often, loving someone that is depressed is tough. You find yourself having to learn to read between the lines; catch hold of the rhythm; and more often than not, what makes it beautiful is the nuances and subtleties of the different expressions of happiness, sadness (there will be a lot of it) and of course, love.

Top photo from Getty Images.

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