A caveman is about to complicate his simple bathroom routine with these beauty products

Simple life gone complicated.

Tan Xing Qi | December 08, 2016, 10:51 AM

I am a simple man.

All I need to achieve a clean, okay-smelling body are three things: water (ok, preferably warm), a towel and a bar of soap.

So this caveman absolutely doesn’t understand the finer things in his woman’s life: the body butter, body lotion, face mask, body scrub, body mist, moisturiser, eye mask…

Simplicity, while it works wonder for me, is often my downfall – especially during birthdays, anniversaries and Christmas, which is just around the corner.

This makes me nervous. Am i going to fail in my pursuit of the perfect Christmas gift set for my wife yet again? After screwing up the last 10 times, I know I’m walking on thin ice.

So when I was arrowed to write about body products, I died a little at first but quickly looked on the bright side.

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Time to know what to get for the woman.

Let’s GOOOOOOOO.

Day 1:

First things first. This experiment has to be conducted over a few days because a) certain products cannot be used every day and b) I cannot handle more than one product a day because that complicates my simple life in the bathroom.

Without further ado, I present the Fuji Green Tea Body Butter.

In my entire 33 years of existence, I have only known of one way to handle butter. And that’s using a butter knife.

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Of course, you don’t apply body butter to your face (hello? BODY butter). But what do I know? I’m a dramatic guy.

I heard that body butter works best when you leave them on while you sleep because of its intense hydration powers. I love being intense, so I buttered myself with the same intensity as its hydration powers.

And I hop right into bed, topless and completely buttered.

The next morning, I literally slither out of bed like a snake reborn. Because butter. Also because I’m like super moisturised even after eight hours in an air-conditioned room.

Conclusion: True to its name, the body butter makes me the bread in this newly blossomed relationship. And how I soak up every sleeping minute I spend with it.

Day 2:

Fresh from the buttery experience, I need something to properly clean off the 8-hour-old butter. Introducing the Fuji Green Tea Body Wash.

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I whisper some sweet nothings to my bar of soap. It’s not you, it’s me. And promise to be back for more skin-on-skin time.

I digress.

The first whiff of green tea hooks me in and before I can wrestle with my self control, a pool of green tea goodness starts to form in my palms.

I’m not going to describe the process (TMI really) but let me conclude with this wise statement from the wife:

“Your body wash smells like perfume.”

Conclusion: If you want to be praised after a shower, this is the one for you.

Day 3:

Disclaimer: I ain’t a big fan of pleasant-smelling stuff that exfoliates grime off my body because I’m a sentimental man. All the dirt and mud from my NS experience more than 10 years ago gone in a scrub?

Decisions, decisions.

But all good things must come to an end and it’s time to exorcise the army outta my body. Say hello to the Fuji Green Tea Body Scrub.

I start with my hands and before I know it, I’m scrubbing all the NS memories away(goodbye Tekong, farewell, live firing areas) everywhere else (I really need to work on my restraint).

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30 minutes later, I emerge a new man without the burden of NS liabilities.

Conclusion: Some memories are meant to be exfoliated.

Day 4:

Having tried the body butter a couple of days earlier, the body lotion is nothing really.

Check out my confidence level as I lather my arm with antioxidant green tea from Japan.

Shiny, hairy arm, everybody.

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Since I’ve nothing much to say about the lotion (except that my skin feels smooth and supple), let this caveman explain the difference between butter and lotion to all the clueless bros out there.

Essentially the same thing, butter is thicker than lotion and is perfect for long hours and that’s why I applied it before bed. Lotion is not as long lasting because it’s meant to be applied every few hours to hydrate thy skin.

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It’s been an eye-opening four days of experimentation and constant lathering. Yes, my skin is definitely smoother and yes, I wear a smell that is at odds with my face. But the key takeaway for me is that sometimes you need to pamper yourself.

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Like buying the Fuji Green Tea Gift Set (you can get them here) under the pretense of buying it for my wife.

My simple life gets a little bit more complicated now but I’m sure the bar of soap doesn’t mind.

 

This sponsored post helps this caveman smell like a million dollars all day, every day.

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