The Straits Times broke the Internet this morning with the following news:

According to ST, "all computers used officially by public servants in Singapore will be cut off from the Internet from May next year, in an unprecedented move to tighten security".

And the response from the Infocomm Development Authority (IDA)?

"The Singapore Government regularly reviews our IT measures to make our network more secure," an IDA spokesman told ST.

If you recall, the government network is not totally safe, with a section of the Prime Minister’s Office (PMO) website being "compromised" in November 2013.

So, to ensure that the public servants remain safe from Internet and the perils it bring, here are 10 other measures the Singapore government can take to make the network more secure:

1. Send message to one another using pigeons.

The only risk of virus is the virus pigeons carry in their stool.

2. Deliver messages personally. Via running.

Like in the good old days when the concept of marathon was first conceived.

3. Only allow public servants to physically poke one another instead of sending Facebook pokes.

This will greatly limit digital penetration. Or won't it?

4. Buy 100,000 Nokia 3310 phones from Third-World countries to be distributed as welcome kits for new public servants.

Plus point: It is virtually indestructible so won't have to change equipment so often.

5. Hire hipsters as public servants instead.

They come with type-writers.

6. For research, stock up on Britannica encyclopedias and Encarta Encyclopedia CDs.

A time when a Trojan Horse was still defined as "a hollow wooden statue of a horse in which the Greeks are said to have concealed themselves in order to enter Troy" and not "a programme designed to breach the security of a computer system".

7. Encourage Singapore public service to single-handedly revive dying snail mail industry.

Offer SingPost stocks to public servants as part of year-end bonus package.

8. Encourage the playing of Solitaire and Minesweeper instead of Facebook.

Public service will have inter-agency play-offs.

9. Hold seminars and print out 400-page manuals to acquaint public servants with facsimile.

Therefore, no longer need to entertain online queries from the public after office hours. Or ever again.

10. Write on your colleague's wall.

Like literally doodle on their cubicle wall.

Top photo via Getty Images

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