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With the release of the A-Level results just around the corner, my anxiety surges as a feeling of impending doom looms over me. It is a queasy feeling of unease that I'm sure many of us who are also awaiting the results can relate to.

In spite of my valiant attempts to distract myself from the results, my mind somehow always races back to ruminating about the worst possible scenarios.

I drown in the spiral of “what-ifs”. What if I had chosen a different path and gone to a polytechnic instead? What if I had taken a different subject combination altogether? What if…

Why I decided to go to JC after completing my O-Levels

At 16 years old, I had many fleeting interests and was extremely clueless about what I wanted for the future. The thought of entering a polytechnic rarely crossed my mind as I believed that settling on a specific course in a polytechnic would dictate my entire career path.

Wanting to buy myself some time to think about my future, I decided on the Junior College (JC) route without hesitation.

Fresh out of secondary school, the JC system also seemed more conventional and familiar to me — my seniors told me that it would be similar to secondary school, only tougher — and I felt comfortable entering into that bubble of security.

Struggling with life in JC

The first week of JC painted a deceptively exciting picture about JC life, but the 2 years were a far cry from the fun and games we had at orientation.

Naive as I was, I assumed that having five core subjects in junior college as opposed to eight subjects in secondary school meant that there would be less to study, but I was mistaken — each subject covered a much wider range of topics and to a greater depth.

Throughout my academic journey, mathematics and science have never been my strong suits. Ironically, I settled for the science stream in JC; clouded by peer pressure, I chose the popular BCMe (H2 Bio, H2 Chem, H2 Maths, H1 Econs) subject combination.

Needless to say, it was a painful struggle. Many of the topics for the sciences were very interconnected, so the failure to fully grasp a concept in a previous topic had serious ramifications on my understanding of the topics covered later on.

Schoolwork consumed me faster than quicksand and I soon found myself struggling to keep afloat, burning the midnight oil on multiple occasions. Besides rushing tutorial assignments before the deadline during lunch breaks and after school, I started to fall behind for most subjects, due to the steep learning curve.

Home-based learning made it even harder

As I was finally beginning to adjust to the new pace of life and the lecture-tutorial style of teaching in JC, the arrival of the Circuit Breaker shattered the momentum.

Suddenly, everything changed. Lectures were pre-recorded as videos and tutorials were held virtually over various video conferencing platforms. It was a novel situation that left teachers and students with a lot of uncertainties, forcing us to adapt along the way.

Although the teachers tried their very best to ensure a smooth transition to the mandatory Home-based learning, the situation made it harder for me to clarify my doubts and my learning gaps widened.

Despite arranging for study sessions with my close friends over video calls, helping one another out with our schoolwork and chatting via messaging apps, the purely virtual interaction with them made me feel alone in my struggles.

My motivation to study dwindled, and I dreaded picking up my pen.

Struggled with JC2 internal examinations

Stumbling and tumbling throughout the year, I eventually — somehow or other — managed to scrape through my promotional examinations and make it to JC2.

That was when the stress intensified and all hell broke loose.

Surviving on an average of 5 hours of sleep per night due to mounting schoolwork made me feel like The Walking Dead. I struggled to keep my eyes open in class and barely processed anything my teachers said during tutorials.

It was extremely draining and my results in the internal examinations suffered greatly.

By the time I realised my learning gaps, the A-Levels were inching closer and I was already waist-deep in a mud of confusion. Day by day, the “mud” was solidifying around me and it became increasingly difficult for me to make significant progress, despite my attempts to improve.

The stress crept up on me and I broke down on multiple occasions. Feeling hopeless and lost, I wondered why I had chosen the science stream in the first place and what life would have been like, had I taken a different path.

Polytechnic: an unexplored option?

What if I had gone to a polytechnic instead? This is a question that unwittingly enters my mind.

Having my entire future depend on a single exam is daunting and frightening. In contrast to the grade point average (GPA) system in polytechnic, which is a cumulative system that relies less heavily on a single exam, junior college students only have one chance to prove themselves at the A-Levels.

Our final grades are purely determined by our performance during the actual A-Levels. For example, an individual may perform well previously but underperform during the A-Levels due to nervousness.

With the exception of project work (PW), a compulsory H1 subject, exams still account for the majority of our rank points with PW accounting for a maximum of 10 points out of the total possible 90.

Following a decent performance in PW, where I particularly enjoyed the oral presentation component, I began to think about whether a less exam-based approach in a course that I find genuinely interesting would have been more suitable for me.

Curiously looking up polytechnic courses in my free time, I was drawn to the Diploma in Creative Writing for TV and New Media offered by the Singapore Polytechnic.

My passion for writing and creating content dates back to a long time ago. However, frequent encouragement to pursue science coupled with a vague interest in biology made me hesitant to walk down this path. As I read the course outline for the diploma, I realised that it perfectly sums up everything I have ever aspired to study.

Even though it would be hard to say for certain if the new media course would have been a better fit for me, I believe that, driven by passion, my motivation to succeed in the course would be stronger.

Still grateful for my time in JC

If I had the opportunity to turn back time, I would have chosen a different academic path. Nevertheless, I am thankful for my time spent in JC.

Through the countless setbacks and failures during my two years in JC, having a group of supportive and understanding friends in school gave me the strength to pick myself up and to continue striving harder towards the A-Levels. We laughed, joked, cheered one another up and encouraged one another to press on, no matter how difficult it was.

Lunch breaks in school and phone calls that occasionally stretched late into the night provided much-needed respites from our mundane study routines.

Looking back, I am extremely grateful for the many invaluable friendships I have forged and wouldn't trade them for anything in the world.

Furthermore, I was blessed with friendly and approachable subject tutors who frequently encouraged us to ask for help when needed. They went the extra mile to provide remedial classes after school to help us close our learning gaps, so that we could get back on track academically.

One teacher, in particular, was very sympathetic towards our hectic schedules — juggling both CCA and academic responsibilities — and even agreed to have online consultations with my friend and me outside of her working hours, so that we could clarify our doubts. I’ll always be grateful for the dedication and hard work put in by my teachers in JC.

The past 2 years have helped me to grow as a person and taught me many crucial life lessons that I otherwise may not have learnt. It was a time where I became aware of my strengths and weaknesses, my likes and dislikes.

Despite the rough journey, the bittersweet memories are some that I will cherish forever.

“Que Será, Será. Whatever Will Be, Will Be”

Taking my very first A-Level paper was the most nerve-wracking for me. In the week prior to the Chemistry practical paper, my heart raced and throat tightened when it dawned on me that, unlike the mock exams I had taken at school, I was about to sit for an actual A-Level paper — the first of many that would shape my future.

Yet, the butterflies in my stomach gradually disappeared as I walked into the exam venue. Aside from the several months of preparation and hard work I had put in, I took comfort in the knowledge that I had my family and close friends behind me and felt — more than ever — ready to take on the challenge of the A-Levels.

Having poured my heart and soul into the A-Levels, I am prepared to accept the outcome, come what may.

To my fellow A-Level graduates: we have come a long way, and regardless of our results, I know that we can all be proud of our achievements.

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Top photo via Claire Teo.