An influencer made a controversial suggestion via a TikTok video on Sunday (Oct. 17): a group chat for girls in Singapore to discuss their experiences with guys on dating apps, as well as an excel sheet to collate information.
The idea was apparently executed shortly after, in the form of a Telegram group chat and a Google Sheet, which collated names of individuals, short write-ups of their alleged misdeeds, and even links to their social media profiles.
This happened even while a flurry of comments and reactions were still streaming in on the original TikTok post, both for and against the suggestion.
Group chat would "save everybody some time"
Koh Boon Ki, the influencer who first mooted the idea and a recent pharmacy graduate from the National University of Singapore, explained in her TikTok post that a group chat for women on dating apps to discuss their male counterparts would "save everybody some time", since most people were likely talking to the same dating app matches.
They would thus be able to share information about potential dates to save each other the trouble of "finding out the red flags" on their own, Koh said.
"Imagine the Excel sheet we can make", she added.
In the caption of her post, Koh asked for her viewers' thoughts, and remarked that "the guys have worse tele groups anyway".
The post attracted both support and criticism.
Support for the idea
Those in favour of the idea pointed to the truth of Koh's caption that "guys have worse tele groups".
There were also several users who said that they would be happy to share their past experiences for others' benefit.
Many appeared to be asking for a link to join the group, or for an update when the group was actually created.
Other supporters suggested that Google docs could be used for the purpose so that contributions could be accepted from "everyone".
Criticism of the idea
However, many voiced concerns about such an initiative, saying that there was potential for biased or false accusations to be made anonymously, as it would be difficult to verify some of the claims made.
Another critique of the idea was that it did not leave room for people who had genuinely changed for the better.
Others said that something similar, where guys discussed their experiences with girls, would definitely be unacceptable.
The risk of things escalating into harassment and defamation were also raised as reasons why the idea should not be carried out.
Group chat and Google sheet appear
Hours later, links to a Telegram group chat and a Google sheet were circulated on messaging apps and social media in the evening on Oct. 17.
The Google sheet was titled, "Dating Guide SG", and had two separate tabs labelled "Blacklist" and "Avoid", and each tab contained fields for names, reasons why they were listed, as well as links to their social media profiles.
The reasons provided were quite varied, and included accounts of sexual assault, abuse, voyeurism, and infidelity on the "Blacklist" tab.
On the "Avoid" tab, other misdemeanours were listed, including staying on multiple dating apps while dating someone, being "desperate asf" and clingy, sending inappropriate sexual messages, only talking about themselves or cryptocurrency, or even being an "avid gamer".
Viewers of the sheet were able to remain anonymous to one another.
"What if the guy got falsely accused?"
One recipient of a link to the Google sheet took to TikTok, calling it "toxic".
"yes girls shud unite together, esp against trashy guys but like this is q toxic imo cuz what if the guy got falsely accused..💀" wrote a TikToker in her TikTok post's caption.
This, however, did not deter commenters from seeking out a link to the document, with many asking for it so that they could share their own experiences.
The sheet appeared to have been taken offline sometime in the late evening on Oct. 17, however.
Meanwhile, a Telegram group chat titled "f*ing 🚩🚩🚩" gained over 100 followers.
Conversations in the group included the sharing of experiences with particular guys, similar to what was found in the Google sheet.
The group appears to have been closed down as of Oct. 18.
The name of the group is an apparent reference to a recent trend where social media users share examples of what they consider to be red flags in various interpersonal interactions, accompanied by the "🚩" emoji.
Koh's original suggestion, as well as a similar Telegram group, apparently named "sg dating adventures ☕", was spotlighted by TikTok user @g1ennice, who said that it was a "great idea" in theory, that she predicted would "go south really really fast" as the group grew.
She acknowledged that men had created groups like SG Nasi Lemak, where explicit photos were shared, often without consent, but contended that creating a group chat for girls to talk about their experiences with guys could seem hypocritical, when much had been done to stand against the practice of guys talking about their experiences with girls.
"Creating such a damaging group chat, even when it's not on the same level, it just makes it seem like we are condoning this behaviour because we are doing something similar."
She also highlighted the potential for innocent guys to be falsely accused using doctored screenshots, while not having the opportunity to defend themselves.
"I think it's important [for girls] to stick together and be a strong community, [but] not in this way," she said.
It is not clear whether Koh was the creator of either group.
However, on her Instagram page (@bimbiboon), Koh posted a story on Oct. 17 at around 3pm, saying that she was "now a GC [Group Chat] admin".
An update on Oct. 18 at around 3am stated that the group was "now closed", along with the statement that "talking about guys is as problematic as talking to them".
Top screenshots via TikTok and via Google Sheets
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