It has been a rough week for Malaysian influencer Cathryn Li after she stormed off during a Facebook live session hosted by music producer Andy Chan.
Visible wounds around Li's neck
The influencer had stormed off after getting agitated, when viewers criticised her piano playing in the comments section.
The video, which has since garnered over 350,000 views since it went live on Mar. 8, has attracted widespread attention online, and mixed reactions towards Li's behaviour as well.
However, the backlash has taken a toll on Li, who briefly posted a photo of herself with visible wounds and blood stains around her neck.
Reader discretion is advised for the following photo and post.
The post was taken down shortly after it was shared.
In her caption, she shared that she had attempted suicide at midnight, but she failed.
"It takes courage to end one's life, but even more courage to live on," she wrote.
Li wrote about how every action she made seemed to put in the public spotlight, and that the "tsunami-like hate" that she has been facing has been unbearable for her.
"I've never been perfect, and I have my habits and quirks. I don't dare to call myself a goddess, but everyone keeps expecting me to be perfect and have a god-like EQ, have a god-like talent," she continued. "I've tried to show my best side, and be the best person I can be, and I've apologised for not being perfect."
"But every time I make a little mistake, or lose control of my emotions, people are more than ready to step on me. I can't seem to crawl out or retreat from this. I'm a normal human. I'm tired. Even the strongest heart will burn out."
Stormed off during Facebook live session after viewers criticised her
Li was the guest at a Facebook live session hosted by Chan on Mar. 8, when she lost her cool.
Li became agitated and stormed off camera during the session when viewers criticised her, a classically-trained pianist, for playing poorly during an improvised segment where she was asked to demonstrate her piano-playing by jamming with them.
During the improvised segment, Li struggled to coordinate with the hosts, and unfortunately could not keep up with her playing.
For context, a classical pianist is typically trained in instrumental technique, and not so much in improvisation.
Improvisation requires plenty of practice, as well as intimate knowledge of chords and chord progressions, among other things.
Towards the later portion of the session, Li tried to address some of the comments that criticised her playing, saying that she did not know she needed to play the keyboard during the live session, and was not told to prepare anything.
Eventually, after getting increasingly agitated, the influencer stormed off stage, declining to return on screen.
Apologised for losing control of emotions
On Mar. 10, two days after the incident, Li posted an update on Facebook, apologising for losing control of her emotions during the session, adding that she needs to work on her EQ.She also explained that she is a classical pianist, not a keyboardist.
Chan also apologised to Li in a seven-minute video clip, saying that he did not have any intention to embarrass her.
He praised her piano-playing skills and apologised if there was any misunderstanding caused.
He said that Li is "a really talented musician" and he did not want the incident to "affect Cathryn’s mental wellbeing".
If you are facing any difficulties, here are some organisations you can turn to.
National Care Hotline: 1800-202-6868
Samaritans of Singapore: 1800-221-4444
Singapore Association for Mental Health: 1800-283-7019
Institute of Mental Health's Mobile Crisis Service: 6389-2222
Care Corner Counselling Centre (Mandarin): 1800-353-5800
Silver Ribbon: 6386-1928
Tinkle Friend: 1800-274-4788
AWARE Women's Helpline: 1800-777-555 (10am - 6pm, Monday to Friday)
Top image via HWZ user, Cathryn Li/Instagram