Trying to hold director Jack Neo's movies up to see if they have any fidelity to reality is like watching porn for the dialogue: There's no point.

So, this following post is not going to be a review nor is it a take-down of Ah Boys To Men 3: Frogmen by an ex-Naval Diver, like how WWE legend Mick Foley (Mankind) reviewed The Wrestler starring Mickey Rourke to see what the movie did right about the wrestling world.

This is going to be straight from the gut: The passing thoughts any naval diver out there in Singapore ought to have the moment he watches Ah Boys To Men 3: Frogmen because there are so many aspects that he would recognise at a glance, but at the same time, there are so many holes in the movie big enough you can steer a warship through them.

Some spoilers ahead. You've been warned.

1. A bunch of anecdotes strung together

This third movie in the Ah Boys To Men franchise by Jack Neo, at 148 minutes long, feels like a collation of every anecdote that was ever told in and about the Naval Diving Unit.

Trainees thinking they are tougher than their instructors? Check.

Having diarrhoea while submerged in icy water during cold treatment? Check. (Hooyah 22nd batch.)

The whole batch of trainees getting hammered because someone sneaked food in when they weren't supposed to? Oh yeah.

Thinking that the only way out of being an NDU trainee is to apply for the Air Force? This is classic.

2. Eye-opening

This movie will be an eye-opener for any Singaporean who has only heard about the much-fabled Naval Diving Unit.

Not only does it offer more than a glimpse of the once-highly restricted Sembawang Camp, the movie splices some footage from regular combat diver training into it.

However, not much of the real stuff is used and the movie suffers from an overall quality that feels overly sanitised.

3. Spotting real divers

Hey that guy on the jumping tower in sunglasses is Frankie Chong, a real diver who is discussed briefly by the cast in Cyberpioneer.

4. Actor playing Botak Lum a.k.a No. 2, nailed it

The actor who probably did the best job bringing his character to life is Warrant Officer BT Lum (a.k.a. Botak Lum and No. 2).

He is the amalgamation of every NDU instructor that has left an impression on trainees: Caustic, sarcastic and someone who enjoys a good tekan session.

5. Why would anybody do that?

The movie's most unbelievable portion features an incredible escape from Sembawang Camp scene that beggars belief. It is almost like the playing out of a fantasy any trainee would have when in camp.

And hell, someone ought to get charged for committing AWOL like this.

Or maybe it did happen before in the last 10 years since I ORD-ed?

6. Wait, what?

When the movie ends, you'd think: "Hey, there wasn't even a story line."

7. The opening scene

So a bunch of NSFs took part in a ship-boarding counter-terrorism mission? Heh. Right.

8. The concept of punishment

Yes, okay, this is a movie, but the scene where Warrant Officer BT Lum admits he is wrong and accepts punishment in front of his men is the most contrived scene of all.

Dealing with misdemeanour in the SAF is a clinical process: A lot of reporting to superiors, a lot of paperwork and a lot of being less dramatic in general.

The whole show of solidarity and care for soldiers message might have been the part the Navy wanted to showcase.

But the movie's script got it awfully wrong as superiors and men accepting collective punishment together can only always be a myth -- at least in the Singapore Armed Forces.

9. Getting out-of-course

The option to quit Hell Week voluntarily is only open to SAF regulars who sign on. The rest of the NSFs have to suck it up because there is no quitting.

Unless you die or get injured.

10. This movie will sell itself, regardless

This movie will do well, no matter what naysayers say.

Jack Neo has really outdone himself this time as there is a lot of natural curiosity surrounding the Naval Diving Unit's elitism, which would draw audiences.

And there are scores of NDU personnel past and present who would haul their friends and family along for this show, simply because no one has done anything about the divers in any form in recent memory.

And based on the action sequences in the beginning, it is evident that a lot can be achieved for a local movie if a mega entity like the Ministry of Defence gives their blessings and lends their weight to a project.

Related articles:

5 original and different ideas for the next inevitable editon of Ah Boys To Men

6 things you should really know about Naval Divers and this thing called ‘Hell Week’

Top photo via Ah Boys To Men Facebook

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