Catching fire in theatres everywhere this week is the highly successful and wildly popular The Hunger Games series, aptly named, erm, Catching Fire.

The Hunger Games, a survival game set in a dystopian future, pit kids aged 12 to 18 against one another in an arena where they have to kill till one victor remains.

As much as most people love the concept of Hunger Games, or rather, kids tearing each other apart, it is almost certain that the Mockingjay won’t catch fire in Singapore.

Here are five reasons why.

#1 Singaporeans are Kiasee

Source Daniel Ong as Mr "Kiasee", the cousin of Mr Kiasu. 

Ingrained in all Singaporeans is one uniquely Singaporean identity: the fear of dying, or to a more accurate extent, getting into unnecessary trouble.

Remember our parents' kiasee advice (“Mind your own business, ah boy” and “Wait police catch you”)?

To mention Singaporeans in the same sentence (choy!) with death is almost like an oxymoron - there’s no chance of us getting anywhere close to danger.

Seeing local teens in the Games will surely condemn the Hunger Games to the lowest viewership ever because they will be sitting around in circles for 90 per cent of the game. They will decide who "expires" via a truly heart-wrenching round of oh peh som.

Better stick to the SEA Games. And watch our kids lose to the Thais and Indonesians.

#2 There is a little Liam Neeson in every Singaporean parents

 Source: Impawards          "Wah! This tuition centre very stylo".

Parents in sunny Singapore will bring heat to their children or whoever who threatens to overtake their offspring (or their own car) daily.

Retorts such as “Why Ah Tiang’s son got 100 marks but you only got 99?” and “We have to enroll you in another intensive tuition class so you can outscore Ah Tiang’s son,” demonstrate the kind of tough love children in Singapore are showered with.

Their kids losing in the Hunger Games? Oh please, they will hunt the victor down Liam Neeson-style.

#3 Singapore is too hot and humid

Source: Sgag

So hot and bothered is Singapore that the Games will have to stop every few hours for a water parade.

Wait a minute, what if the arena is air-conditioned or if the Games takes place in the comforts of the concrete jungle along Orchard Road?

No heat stroke worries then? Unfortunately, our kids will get lost in the shopping malls and be infected with dengue. Next.

#4 Exams are already like the Hunger Games

Source: Sgag

Who cares about slugging it out in the battlefield when there are many life and death problems waiting for local teenagers?

They have to battle all the way from PSLE to O levels, A levels, diploma, vocational and degree level. Yes, Singaporeans are a battle-weary bunch; we have been fighting on paper for ages.

#5 Video games are better substitutes

Source: Rockstar Games

Let all the killings take place in video games please. That is at least what most teens are saying. No sweating in the heat of the battle, no chance of being blown to smithereens by mortars and absolutely no chance of being chased by any beasts. The best thing? They can always push restart.

With all being said, Singaporeans are a pragmatic bunch. If there’s a queue, prize or certificate, we might just make a beeline for it and fight for it. Remember Hello Kitty anyone?

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Top photo from Fairfield Alumni Facebook Page.

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