Christmas is rolling around the corner and chances are, you're wondering what to get your loved ones this year.

But what about your unloved ones that need a wake-up call?

Here's 14 shitty gift ideas that will ruin anybody's festive season and crush their sense of entitlement. From your ex-girlfriend to your pesky colleague at work (or that one annoying friend that perennially owes you money), Carousell is here to save the day.

Enjoy.

1. Staples, $3

Because there is nothing that says "I couldn't be bothered" like giving someone four boxes of staples.  Well, at least the packaging is colourful.

Suggested gift note: "Keep it together, bro."

2. Science Lab Goggles, $3

Have colleagues who stare at you for a little too long? Send them a warning with these unbranded Science Lab Goggles.

Suggested gift note: "I'll dig your eyes out if I could."

3. "Branded Company Calendar", $6

There are plenty of things I would pay $6 for, but a 2015 corporate calendar of planes is not one of them. Receiving it as a gift though... well.. still nope.

Suggested gift note: "Oh, how times flies. Your days here are numbered."

4. Crochet Oreo Keychain, $3

If you told a lie and said you made it yourself, you might be able to get away with it.

Suggested gift note: "I hate you so much I can't even be bothered to get the colours right."

5. Small Plastic Containers, $2

When Daiso is too far away.

Suggested gift note: "Hey, I noticed you've been packing lunch to work, so I thought I would get you these small plastic containers. They probably can't fit your lunch, but I just thought I'd get them for you anyway."

6. Seaweed Crackers, $11.90

Because who doesn't need to eat?

Suggested gift note: "Seaweed Crackers. Unknown expiry date. Enjoy."

7. A job at Bata, pays $1,350

Because everyone needs a job.

Suggested gift note: " Hopefully you'll find your new job at Bata to be a better fit."

8. "Powerful mini G-spot vibrator", $12

Hopefully they do delivery. Meet ups might be awkward.

Suggested gift note: "Goodbye. I hope you find what you are looking for."

9. Owl Artifact, $24.90

From the description: 

Just a beautiful piece of work.

No word could describe it.

Owl, is a very smart creature.

You can buy it and display it anywhere for example your table.

Just look at it, for inspirations and anything.

Remember things will not always go your way, but don't give up.

Suggested gift note:  Why bother? "No word could describe it."

10. PreLoved 70A Black Well Used/ Worned Bra, $13

Pre-loved Bras. The next fashion trend in 2015.

Suggested gift note: "Thanks for the mammaries."

11. Couple Bears, $6

I absolutely fail to see how these are "Couple bears," but hey, no judgement.

Suggested gift note: "We will never work out. Let's be friends. "

12. Pre-used plastic mannequin family, $30

What better way to send love to a beloved family than three limbless plastic replicas of human bodies?

Suggested gift note: "You owe me money. Consider this a reminder."

13. DIY Feathers, $2

DIY feathers. Beijing 101 for birds.

Suggested gift note:"Get well soon, Mr Parrot."

14. Unobtainable dream of owning a Thai fruit carving, $0

"Not for sale."

Suggested Note: "You can buy almost everything with money. But you cannot buy love.  And this very disturbing carving of a watermelon. Sorry."

Disclaimer: The author does not sell any of these items, nor is he related to any of the sellers. He also advises against buying pre-loved underwear and sex toys.  When in doubt, do not buy.  

Happy gifting, people.

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