The Best Storyteller award

Winner: Ng Chee Meng, Acting Minister for Education (Schools), Pasir Ris-Punggol GRC

Ng recalled how he was "personally moved" when he saw hundreds of thousands lined up in the pouring rain to send off the late Lee Kuan Yew across Singapore to the State Funeral Service. (He was actively involved in the organisation of the state funeral as Chairman of the State Funeral Organising Committee).

Ng asked Singaporeans to draw on their inner strength - the Singapore Heartbeat - to stay united.

As The Straits Times pointed out, it was a speech "sprinkled with feel-good anecdotes".

So how do Singaporeans draw on the Singapore Heartbeat in future to stay united? "Education, has an important role to play" and we need to "nurture deep bonds of kinship."

Okay...

WITS Award

Winner: Gan Thiam Poh, Ang Mo Kio GRC

This is the difference between a newbie MP making his/her usual maiden fluffy aspiration speech and a seasoned MP who understood how government works and the needs of his constituents.

Suggestion 1: Gan suggested that the government raise awareness of for SkillsFuture's benefits through public education, similar to the efforts CPF made to get Singaporeans to start planning their finances for the future early.

Suggestion 2: He urged the government to double the Special Employment Credit from 3% to 6% to support workers above 65 who wish to work.  This would be at a level that many SMEs will find very useful, as manpower is one of the key components of their business costs

Suggestion 3: Gan called for the government "do more urgently" with regards to the availability of Childcare Facilities in younger estates, as many families are dual-income households.

Suggestion 4: He suggested that the government can build more affordable, bigger flats to encourage families to have more children. These flats may have four or five bedrooms built over 1600 sqft with absolute priority given to families with four children or more.

Suggestion 5: Maybe Gan can keep a few suggestions for the Budget debate, so that his speech will be more succinct.

Acronym of the Day Award

Winner: Ong Teng Koon, Marsiling-Yew Tee GRC

ABCD – or the Additional Buyers' Car Duty – is probably the easiest acronym to remember and it seems to be strangely effective too, well, at least on paper.

Mooted by Ong, ABCD is basically a tax on a second and subsequent cars. It works on the same principle as ABSD (Additional Buyers' Stamp Duty), the housing tax that effectively – together with other measures – cooled the property market.

The Quote of the Day Award

Winner: Rahayu Mahzam, Jurong GRC

In her maiden speech the Jurong GRC MP spoke about engaging in discourse to understand  identities and religious practices. On the topic of the Muslim/Malay community, she said the community hopes to see Malays in all fields, including leadership positions but she was quick to point out that it's the quality that counts.

"We would like to see representation from our community but I would like our Malays to be chosen because he or she is the best and not because of his or her race."

Halimah Yacob Last Warning Award

Winner: Gan Thiam Poh, Ang Mo Kio GRC

Also the winner of our 'WITS Award' (see above), Gan Thiam Poh spoke for a dreadful 21 minutes, 26 seconds. Unfortunately, he raised many good points. That means we have nothing snarky to say, so we won't. Hey, we're not made of stone.

Runner-up: Heng Chee How had the second longest speech. He started out promisingly with an anecdote about an East German who escaped to West Germany for ‘more bread’. Unfortunately, the rest of his speech was not as captivating.

First, he spoke about keeping our ageing population engaged, and keeping the workforce relevant in a world where people can become obsolete in a matter of years.

With seconds left before we fell asleep, he wrapped up with modifications to the CPF system and how all Singaporeans could remain relevant through lifelong learning and being adaptable.

Halimah Yacob Gold Standard Award

Winner: Teo Ser Luck, Minister of State, Ministry of Manpower & Mayor, North East District, Pasir Ris-Punggol GRC

According to footage recorded by Channel NewsAsia, Teo spoke for a grand total of 2 minutes 21 seconds. Which is strange, considering that even a newbie MP like Cheng Li Hui got longer screen time than he did. We're thinking that surely he spoke longer – but perhaps the cameraman dozed off or simply did not find his speech interesting enough.

Nevertheless, thanks for keeping things concise.

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