Wedding season is upon us, and we should all be afraid. Very afraid.

Contemporary weddings have attained the scale of a tactical operation, with ever-expanding budgets being their hallmark. According to the latest Julius Baer Lifestyle Index, the cost of a wedding banquet increased over the 2013–2014 period in seven out of 11 major Asian cities studied. In Singapore, the increase in cost over the same period was 14 per cent, second only to Jakarta’s 26 per cent.

Year-on-year increases in the cost of holding a wedding are commonly attributed to rising labour and food costs, as well as the tax on liquor, whose excise duty rate was raised 25 per cent in the 2014 Budget to keep pace with inflation.

With a typical wedding in Singapore costing anywhere from $50,000 to $130,000, the angpow has become an increasingly crucial component.

A red packet for the red bomb

What was initially intended as a gift from the heart is now expected to go towards covering the cost of the wedding, with turning a profit being the ideal situation and not having to pay anything out of pocket as the next best scenario. (And God forbid you displease Bridezilla with your measly offering.)

Here are some popular wedding banquet venues and the minimum sum expected per pax to break even. For the full list of the latest angpow rates, refer to weddingangpow.com.

Get ready to PARF

As always, there’s a perennial debate on whether you should give the standard market rate to help the hosts cover the cost of their wedding, or give however much you want because you refuse to succumb to peer pressure or social expectation. Regardless of which camp you’re on though, those annually revised wedding price lists can seem a little simplistic, as they do not factor in the economics of your relationship to the wedding couple.

With that, I present to you the Personal Angpow Rate Formula, or PARF (it rhymes with barf, but it’s more pleasant — or at least it should be).

Give each factor a score between 0.5 and 1.5. This means the largest angpow you could possibly give is 1.5 times the market rate, the smallest is half the market rate, and if you’re middle of the road on every factor you’ll give exactly the market rate or 1.0.

Scenario #1: The colleague you barely know

Alvin is that new guy in Marketing. He’s been around for barely four months, and you’ve only met a few times while in line for coffee. And for some reason that remains unfathomable to you, he’s invited you to his wedding at Alkaff Mansion. Jialat. What now? How large an angpow will you be willing to part with if you attend Al’s wedding?

Of course, the paiseh intensity could be bumped up to 1.5 if you find out your whole department has been invited and everyone is going but you, so you’ve no choice but to join them.

Scenario #2: Your BFF

You’ve known Jan for more than a decade. Now the girl is getting married, and she’s having her dream wedding at the St. Regis on a Saturday night. Let’s do some math.

You generous friend, you! Now you can sponsor Jan to eat as much gelato as she likes during her honeymoon to Italy.

Scenario #3: The annoying cousin you meet only during Chinese New Year

You don’t want to attend Bob’s wedding at Ah Yat Seafood Restaurant — you hate this guy, and you’d much rather stay in for a Netflix binge — but your parents have forced you to go because he’s family. And they’ve even reminded you to pack a fat angpow so you won’t humiliate them in front of the clan. The paiseh intensity is strong with this one.

Your parents’ request that you give a large angpow cancels out your desire to boycott Bob’s wedding. You end up giving the market rate, so that’s fair.

Of course, PARF’s range of 0.5 to 1.5 times the market rate is totally arbitrary, so feel free to do your own math or add in other factors you think are important. Round up, round down, give more, give less — whatever the amount, just be sure you can afford it comfortably.

After all, at the end of the day, it’s your heartfelt wish for a happily-ever-after that should matter the most to the wedding couple – not your angpow.

This article originally appeared on DrWealth.com.

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