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To many, today is Valentine's Day. To others, it's just another Monday. To a very special few, it's the eve of Total Defence Day.
If you're single, you've probably rolled your eyes countless times while going through Instagram stories of yet another acquaintance thanking their partner for that "surprise" bouquet or PS5.
Before you hop onto a dating app in a last-ditch attempt to not be alone this Valentine's Day, let these terrible first date stories keep you from feeling sorry for yourself.
Because you're about to feel sorry for the people who made these anonymous submissions.
1. The tactless NSF
I went on a date with an NSF I matched with on Tinder.
When we matched, I was already expecting him to share stories about his time in camp and whatnot because, well, what else could an NSF talk about, right?
But the ultimate red flag was when he called a campmate a "weakling" for being clinically depressed.
And it wasn't a passing remark, he kept sniggering about it while we were having dinner.
He said that his campmate was ostracised in camp, on top of dealing with family problems, which to my date, were merely "small issues".
He even called him a "strawberry" when the poor guy expressed thoughts of self-harming.
I reprimanded him for his unsavoury statements but I'm pretty sure it fell on deaf ears.
But the date got worse.
He offered to treat me to a movie so I said ok since it was going to be free. Perhaps he could attempt to redeem himself after making those harsh remarks. What could go wrong?
- It was a Friday night and we didn't make any booking so we had to choose front row seats.
- Upon making payment at the cashier, he realised he didn't have enough cash so I had to pay for my own ticket.
- The movie was "Scouts Guide to the Zombie Apocalypse". It scored 44 per cent on Rotten Tomatoes. 'Nuff said.
Photo from IMDB.
No prizes for guessing if there was a second date.
2. The longest 30-minute date
It took days to set up a date with this guy because he prefaced that he was "very busy".
Luckily for me, he managed to squeeze in a date with me on a weekend. But only for 30 minutes in the afternoon at VivoCity, he said, because he had plans to hang out with his friends at the beach in Sentosa afterwards.
Not only was he 20 minutes late, but he also chided me for walking around the mall instead of getting us a seat at Coffee Bean while waiting for him.
The date spot. Photo from Tripadvisor.
He also chose to ignore me when I explained that I was helping an old lady find her way to a particular store where her family was.
He insisted on ordering the drinks for us but warned me "please don't overcomplicate your order" before I could even say anything.
I offered to order myself but he insisted I sat down to chope the seat.
The next 30 minutes felt like an eternity.
He criticised the way I dressed (what's wrong with a combination of cropped top, skirt and sneakers?) even though he was wearing shorts and flip flops.
And then he kept asking why I looked tired but my eyes are just small, and I don't know, I had to wait 20 minutes for my date to arrive?
He got up to leave after 30 minutes and I did too.
He probably felt as relieved as I did that the date was finally over.
3. 180 degrees
I once went on a date with this person. Let's call him Z.
It was the first time we met. We connected on a dating app and arranged to meet at the food court at Marina Square (yes, I'm the sort who would go to a food court on a first date, especially one with such a nice view).
The view is nice. Photo from Google Maps.
The dinner went well—we talked and really connected.
Just as our meal was about to finish, so did his vocabulary, it seems.
After dinner, I suggested that we take a walk along the river (sounds romantic. Plus it's good for digestion after a heavy meal, anyway).
He gave a non-committal "ok".
So we walked. But the funny thing was that as we were walking, he started to talk less (so I had to shoulder the bulk of the conversation) and his face turned really black.
At one point, I was running out of topics to talk about. So I glanced over at him and found—to my horror—that he was practically sulking.
I asked very gingerly if he was ok.
And again, that non-committal "yeah".
His whole attitude really pissed me off, so when we reached Esplanade Park, I took out my phone and made some lame excuse about needing to go. And I left.
That was the first time I dumped someone midway through a date. And we never ever contacted each other again, thankfully.
4. The third wheel
After years of unsuccessful attempts on the generic dating apps, I bit the bullet and tried a Muslim dating app.
I matched with this guy, we had great conversations via text about our shared interests in Marvel comics so I was happy when he said he wanted to meet up.
Brownie points: The gentleman offered to fetch me from the void deck of my house so we could go to dinner together.
Imagine my shock when the lift doors opened and I saw my date, let's call him M, waiting for me with another man at the void deck.
Clearly, I couldn't keep a poker face so M immediately introduced his cousin and explained that he was going to be our chaperone because apparently, it isn't nice for two persons of the opposite sex to go out alone together in the evening.
Needless to say, it was not a good date. M talked more with his cousin than he did with me, and I started to feel like a third wheel.
After dinner, M said that they were going for a smoke break. So while they were taking puffs at the smoking corner, I — a non-smoker—was waiting patiently a good few metres away.
After the two of them sent me home, M said he had a good time and wanted to meet me again. I grimaced and said, "We'll see."
Also, we went dutch and I paid for the dinner first.
While M transferred his share of the meal, his cousin never got around to paying his share. I take that as a small price to pay to never have to see them ever again.