I’ve never been the most open book when it comes to my love life.
From matters of the heart to the bedroom, I act as if I’ve got it all under control.
I keep my cards close to myself; play dodgeball with any questions thrown at me from curious friends and family when the truth is, I don’t have a single clue what I’m doing.
I kind of just figure things out along the way.
Thanks to sheer luck and Google, I ended up alright (mostly).
At 24, though, I’ve come to realise that there's no reason to be ashamed of admitting to what I don’t know, like how to stay safe on a night out at the Durex 3P Party — but I’ll get to that later.
At times like these, just know it's good to talk about dating and sex with people who can offer mature, sensible advice.
Unfortunately, I couldn’t find any.
So I turned to my colleagues instead.
On protection
The importance of having protected sex was a common consensus among my coworkers.
My teammate, Winnie, 26, was pretty adamant about the subject:
"Always wear a condom, boys and girls, if you don’t want children or STDs. If the dude says he’s too big [to fit in a condom], it’s false. There are XL size condoms. And even if you have protected sex, it’s still good to go for regular health checks."
Another colleague, Isaac, 24, chimed in:
"I mean I would rather [have a] dry spell for a night than [an] STD for the rest of my life lah. Unless you’re marrying her, no one should pay for [sex] with that high of a price."
I’d like to think that I can stand up for myself. That when push comes to shove, I wouldn’t hesitate to yell, "Screw you. Not!" and get the hell out of there.
But we tend to underestimate the heat of the moment, and the unexpected sway of things like embarrassment, ego, and desire that come into play.
"What if at that point, your partner refuses to use protection?" I asked.
The initial answers I got were pretty much what I expected:
Screenshot from Julia Yee
Jokes aside, my colleague Hannah, 25, summed it all up pretty well with this:
"No is a complete sentence too, you know."
Laying down the rules beforehand is also helpful.
"I think it’s important to know your own boundaries well and communicate firmly and clearly on what you’re not comfortable with," a friend once told me.
"With sex, there’s a lot of grey areas especially if you’re really into the person [and] not really thinking straight. You can be convinced into doing things that you don’t actually really wanna do."
Packing the goods
How should condoms be stored then?
"Wear it on, so you’re ready at any moment," my coworker Garey, 26, said.
Now for his real advice.
"I think storing condoms is pretty straightforward. Keep them by a bedside drawer: Keep them in a cool, dark place and [somewhere] convenient so that you're not fumbling around like a fool with a hard-on in the dark.
In the past when I was dating, I would keep it in an inner compartment of my wallet. Good to be prepared but you also don't want it visible and falling out during the date. Or at work when you're buying cai png."
In the club
Some people use the club as their hunting ground for dates. That’s fine.
But what if you’re not in the mood?
Unfortunately these things happen, said my work friend Alfie, 26.
"Especially in places like clubs when people are intoxicated and looking for a good time," she added.
We aren’t always in the right headspace to make good decisions.
Her technique, in this case, would be to huddle close with her girl friends and avoid eye contact with said guys.
Gif via “My Love Mix-Up!”
"You can always straight up tell the person by saying you're not interested or [making a cross with your arms]," she added.
"If you’re attached, show your phone screen with your partner's face, or just in some way indicate that you're loyal and [taken]."
They should get the hint.
Otherwise, as my other colleagues wisely suggested before, you can always threaten to tell Mothership.
Finding "the one"
On the topic of dating, my teammate Daniel, 31, suggested “pacing yourself” while seeking love online.
"Chatting with more contacts lets you figure out what you would look for in a partner, so I would say even the failed attempts do add value to your journey."
Ilyda, 27, fervently advocated for "managing [relationship] expectations".
"I think a common problem is that couples don't communicate their expectations clearly. But if you don't and it turns out something is a dealbreaker — like your partner’s life dream is to live in an igloo in Alaska, then you're both just wasting your time."
This was helpful, because I don’t think I can live in an igloo.
Reality
I’ll be honest, the books and dramas I consume on a daily basis have pretty much ruined romance for me in real life.
I know this. Yet somewhere in the back of my mind, I think I’m still holding out for that fateful meet-cute.
Gif via “True Beauty”
But people are not works of fiction, and it’s unfair to expect them to be anything like so.
"[Sex] is a process of exploration," Hannah told me frankly.
She rolled her eyes at the type of delusions often favoured by teenagers.
"Stay away from spicy young adult novels. They create idealistic versions of sex and romance, and at the age of 16, you don’t understand what the hell these actually are. When all you’re exposed to is gratuitous sex scenes, your idea of sex is skewed."
For the other dreamers out there, here’s your chance to come back down to earth and face the actual dating scene.
Durex 3P Party
On Dec. 15, Durex will be throwing its Durex 3P Party at the rooftop bar Mortar & Pestle to, well, finish the year — for lack of a better word.
Before you get too excited, it's not the 3P you're thinking of.
Everyone deserves safe, pleasurable sex, and Durex knows a thing or three about getting you there. Which is why the 3Ps stand for Pleasure, Positivity and Play.
Here’s what you can expect at the shindig.
Creamy goodness
Local internet personality Titus Low has something tasty for you.
Image from Titus Low
I'm talking about ice cream from his parlour, OnlyCreamery.
Low himself will be dishing out a few scoops of the cheekily named Blue Pea Macadamia Nut and a flavour exclusively crafted for this party — the Durex 3P Choc Creampie.
Fun times
On the entertainment front, local male entertainment troupe Queen of Hearts will also be there to turn up the heat.
Image from Queen of Hearts
The performance is said to be "safe-for-work".
But maybe don’t invite your boss.
Shiny new toys
Word on the street is that Durex will soon be launching exciting new products.
It's a secret, but I hear partygoers will get an exclusive first look.
How to get in on the action
Here’s how you can score a ticket to join the festivities and end the year with a bang:
- Spend S$30 or more on Durex products in a single receipt at authorised retailers, both offline or online.
- Text "DurexYEP
Name Receipt No." to 9010 2322 to receive your unique code. Head here to collect six hidden preferences and enter your code. Then spin the wheel and win.
Durex 3P Party details
Date: Dec. 15, 2023
Time: 7:30pm onwards
Place: Mortar & Pestle, 269 South Bridge Road #04-01, S058818
This sponsored article by Durex made the writer think about not having children.