2023’s been a pretty emotional year for me, NGL.
In a span of 12 months, I have:
- Gotten my heart broken
- Bared the good, bad and ugly parts of my life on social media (to the consternation of judgy acquaintances)
- Spent a four figure sum on food and grocery delivery alone
- Reconciled with a close friend I had fallen out and not made contact with in over 10 years
- Realised how much I’ve neglected my parents
If not for therapy, I’d probably carry all the baggage from these experiences with me into 2024.
Image via Giphy
Which really, is what this whole article is about in the first place.
If you, like me, had an emotional rollercoaster of a year in 2023, hopefully these five lessons I’ve learnt will resonate with you just as much as it has with me.
1) Love is unpredictable and feelings alone are not enough for a relationship
If I had to describe my love life in a few words, it would be these lyrics from the hit Taylor Swift song ‘Shake it Off’:
Image via withlovefromkris.com
In 2023, I went on wayyyyy too many dates that more or less ended in a series of goodbyes and all the best’s at the end of the first date, with no follow ups.
In my defence, the feelings were mutual, as I’d like to believe that both me and my dates knew after the first meeting that there was nothing more to explore.
That is, until I met B.
B was your typical boy-next-door, having grown up in a middle-class family with a working father, stay-at-home mother, and three other siblings.
Except B wasn’t just another typical boy-next-door.
Apart from the very palpable chemistry we had on text and in real life, I was astonished at how many things B and I had in common, which was a far cry from all the other dates I had been on in the past year.
For starters, B and I were both:
- Introverts
- The same age (29)
- From the same university and faculty
- In the student councils of our respective junior colleges
- Fans of the same non-fiction author
- Survivors of our own existential crises (which B very gamely opened up to me about on our first date)
With B, everything felt so natural, and by the end of one month, I found myself on the brink of an emotionally and physically charged situationship with him.
Unsure of how he felt about me, I broached the topic of my feelings to him, which he very readily reciprocated.
Screenshot via Melanie Lim
Unfortunately, B told me he wasn’t looking for anything serious.
Screenshot via Melanie Lim
In hindsight, there were many signs (differences in lifestyle, religion and goals in life) that hinted at the fact that a serious relationship would probably not work out for us in the long run anyway.
However, we were too caught up in the moment to realise that it would be wiser to put a stop to what we had since things would never amount to anything more.
And so as quickly as we caught feelings for each other, so too did our situationship come to an end.
This experience made me learn two things:
- Love, like life, is unpredictable - you never know when it strikes and how it will end
- Feelings alone are not enough for a relationship - whether two people can align themselves with each other to get into one and make it work down the road matters too
2) Stop oversharing on the internet and go to therapy
In between meeting B and the end of the year, I found myself sharing every intimate thought or sentiment that came to my mind on social media.
By this, I mean every single thing from hypothetical dating situations and self-deprecating jokes to religious trauma and TikToks that bordered on being socially inappropriate.
Case in point. Screenshot via Melanie Lim
To be honest, I was only doing this as a coping mechanism to self-soothe, since I didn’t have a personal therapist I could turn to at every minute of the day.
But I soon realised that what I was doing was hurting me more than it helped me.
Not only did my oversharing annoy a fair share of social media followers and give kaypoh acquaintances hot topics to gossip about, it also did nothing to resolve any of the inner turmoil I was going through.
Upon the recommendation of a well meaning close friend, I decided to give therapy a shot and booked a session at a mediation and counselling centre for the last week of December.
According to my friend, therapy has helped him manage relational challenges, build emotional resilience and maintain mental wellness amidst the hectic busyness and competitiveness of everyday life.
It’s safe to say that nobody has it all together, and I do think many Singaporeans, like my friend and I, would benefit from having a professional (and confidential) listening ear to their problems.
3) Convenient services like food and grocery delivery don't have to be expensive
In tangential relation to the topic of mental health, one of my biggest expenditures this year was on food and grocery delivery - both of which cost me a four figure sum in 12 months alone.
While some might say I deserve it for “taking the easier way out” instead of simply getting my own food and groceries, one can’t deny the convenience and positive impact food and grocery delivery has on one’s mental health.
Schedule too busy to go out and tapau food?
Food delivery is here to save the day.
Feeling burnt out after a long day at work and don’t want to queue at the supermarket?
Grocery delivery is here to save the day.
As someone who wants to prioritise my time savings with convenient, on-demand delivery services but also wants to keep costs low, I’ve decided to subscribe to pandapro, foodpanda’s subscription programme.
How can I not, especially when pandapro subscribers are entitled to these exclusive perks:
- S$4 off vouchers on food, valid on all restaurants (minimum spend applies)
- S$0 delivery fee vouchers on groceries via pandamart (minimum spend applies)
- S$0 delivery fee vouchers on Cold Storage and Giant (minimum spend applies)
- S$0 delivery fee on selected foodpanda shops brands (minimum spend applies)
- 10 per cent off pick-up vouchers (no minimum spend)
- Up to 50 per cent off entire dine-in bill at partner restaurants (no minimum spend)
- Up to 35 per cent off on thousands of restaurants (minimum spend applies)
Very timely, given the upcoming increase in GST next year.
For the uninitiated, pandamart is foodpanda’s own online grocery that is available 24/7, islandwide, and delivers within an hour for quick kitchen top-ups or anything you may need.
Ordering from Cold Storage and Giant via foodpanda entitles you to delivery within an hour, with the same prices that you can get in store.
This means no more lugging home heavy groceries or wasting time stuck in long supermarket queues - wew.
4) If you have a great friendship, protect it and forgive each other, even if it’s been a decade
In August this year, I reconnected with H, an old friend of mine that I had ceased contact with for over 10 years.
I considered H my best friend in secondary school and junior college, but we had a falling out in the second year of junior college that our friendship never recovered from - not until more than a decade later.
To put it simply, H stopped being friends with me in our second year of junior college when I was going through bullying and depression, something I had a hard time getting over given how close I regarded her.
Alas, we were both young and foolish then, and did not know how to regulate our emotions, nor how to approach or resolve conflicts.
After a secondary school classmate organised a class reunion in August this year, H reached out to me to apologise for the falling out of our friendship and to explain why she stopped being friends with me back then.
Screenshot via Melanie Lim
We decided to meet up at our old junior college to revisit the spots where some very traumatic experiences happened to me.
I don’t know how common this is, but I was surprised at how easy H and I reconnected after all this time.
I hadn't seen her in over 10 years, but when we met, it felt as if we were 17 all over again, and like not a day had passed between us - at least to me.
After speaking to a few other friends, I realised that what I had with H was more of an anomaly than the norm.
To reconcile a best friendship after a decade of not seeing or hearing from each other, especially when it ended badly?
Not something that happens everyday, or to everyone.
This made me realise that if you have a friendship with someone that is as special and unique as what I had (or have) with H, do what you can to protect it.
Put in the effort to work conflicts out together, forgive each other, and don’t let petty squabbles come in the way of you two.
5) Treasure your family and don’t take them for granted
It may sound cliche, but family is truly the only people who will stick by you even when you take them for granted.
I only realised how much I had neglected my family when I went to Brisbane for my cousin’s wedding at the end of November and spent a full week with my parents and relatives there.
With work already occupying a good five days a week, most of my weekends in 2023 were either spent out with friends or doing my own thing.
The only time I saw my parents was after work or for brief pockets of time on the weekends, before I left the house.
While my mum and dad never mentioned a word about my absence, I could tell that they missed spending time with me.
After all, we used to spend every weekend together as a family when I was growing up, until my sister got married and I started to prefer other activities to hanging out with them.
During our one week trip to Brisbane, we spent every waking moment together exploring the state, shopping, going on a road trip to the Gold Coast and attending my cousin’s wedding.
This made me realise that instead of treasuring those closest to us, it is often easier and more convenient to take them for granted.
In 2024, I’ll be resolving to spend more time with my family when I can, and to prioritise treating my parents better.
One way to do this would be to take them out to eat at foodpanda’s partner restaurants so I can make use of the up to 50 per cent dine-in discounts.
While I don’t know what lies ahead for me in the new year, I do know that I will be approaching it with a fresh lens and a ready heart to take on whatever life hands me.
This sponsored article by foodpanda allowed this writer to get all sentimental and emotional about 2023.
Top image via Canva