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I speak to Susan (not her real name) over the phone.
The proud mama of a two-month-old was initially hesitant to accept the interview. "I'm quite busy now with my baby," she told me, somewhat apologetically.
She agrees to take a phone call instead — only to back out minutes before the agreed time, as her daughter had unexpectedly woken up from a nap. It takes a few more tries before we finally get to speak.
It's an ordinary kind of tale, one that many young mothers would relate to. Her baby marks the latest chapter in her love story with her husband — 45-year-old Thomas (not his real name) — who she met and married in a matter of months, after a whirlwind romance that Susan considers "fate".
But how the Ho Chi Minh City native met Thomas is more unusual.
This Valentine's Day, we speak to Susan to learn more about her experience getting married to a Singaporean through a bride agency.
Tell me about yourself.
I'm a department manager at a hypermarket. I'm 37 years old.
I just got married in December 2021, more than one year ago.
I have a baby girl. She is my first baby.
How did you come to Singapore?
I was born and studied in Vietnam. In my family, there are five siblings, including me — all of them are still in Vietnam.
Last time, I travelled here (on a holiday). At that time, I was going to quit my job in Vietnam. My friend was working in a company here, and there was a vacancy, so he introduced me. I went for an interview and they accepted me.
Actually, I didn't think that I would get married here and live in Singapore. But when I met my husband, I knew this was my man. That's why I decided to stay in Singapore.
When did you meet your husband?
I had been working here for seven years before I met my husband. I made friends with Mr Koh's (the bride agency's owner) wife, who is also Vietnamese.
Because of something — I guess you could call it "dignity" — I didn't have the purpose to get married. I'm not looking for a husband. But because, you know, my age right, then I also want to settle down. I just try.
Mr Koh was open-minded. He said, "okay, you just talk to him. You can be friends, or just know more about him". So I tried to talk with him, and after that I felt that this guy is suitable for me. He's a good guy, a good man.
Then we go dating, then we got married. (laughs)
Photo courtesy of Susan.
What were your first impressions of him?
Do you believe in "fate"?
Actually, I feel that when I met my husband, I knew this is my man.
[When we first met] I didn't think that I would date or marry this guy. We just talked like friends. But we felt like we were quite suitable to each other, so we decided to start dating.
He's very kind, very careful, takes care of other people.
So I felt he was very good — he is my man. That's why I had to marry him. (laughs)
We just dated for a few months, and then we decided to get married.
How about him — what did he think of you?
He's a shy person. His brother knows Mr Koh, and contacted him to find a girlfriend or a wife for my husband.
But after we met, he also believed that I'm the person who he wants to marry.
Because Mr Koh said that he introduced some women to him, but he chose me.
Who brought up the topic of marriage?
Actually it's me. (laughs)
I just said, "when do you want to bring me to go see your parents?" So he arranged it.
After that [first visit], I would come more frequently. Then we chose the day to do the banquet.
He's not romantic. But he respects me. I don't request too much, but if I request, he surely will do it. That's the best way he can be romantic to me.
I'm still holding a Vietnamese passport. So when I gave birth here, the hospital fees were very expensive. But I requested, and he chose the best [hospital] for me. I know it cost a lot, but he really loves me and takes care of me.
But maybe because my husband is not romantic, that's why he didn't have a girlfriend before. I'm his first girlfriend and his first wife.
Slowly I will teach him lah, but for now I'm still busy with the baby. (laughs)
What has married life been like?
Now, I'm staying together with my parents-in-law. They help me to take care of my baby, and they cook for me every day.
I think they're a bit modern, so they're not very strict. But maybe also because I'm also easy, I'm flexible.
I haven't thought about getting our own house yet. But maybe sooner or later. My husband is the eldest son in his family, so I know that he has the responsibility of taking care of his parents.
If I was him, I would also want to take care of my parents. That's why so far I am happy to stay with my parents-in-law.
Were there any cultural differences in dating a Singaporean man?
For me, it's okay. Last time I dated Vietnamese guys, and I think it's not a big difference. Because when you choose a man, it depends on your qualities too — it depends on you.
Vietnamese, Singaporean — it's all the same. Because we are Asian. That's why the culture does not have a big difference. For me it's nothing, not a big gap.
What was the deciding factor in marrying him?
My husband is a family guy, he takes care of his family members and he is very kind. He likes to help other people.
I'm also lucky to have met him because he's very good; he's a doctor, and he is well-educated.
When my family came here [for the wedding], he also took care of them. That's why my parents are also very happy, because I married the correct guy. (laughs)
Until now, more than one year since I've married him. I really think I chose the correct man. The right man.
Photo courtesy of Susan.
Have you been back to Vietnam since, and do you plan on introducing your daughter to her heritage?
My baby is still very small. So maybe next year.
But sure, I will teach her. I even gave her a Vietnamese name — "Hoa". It means flower. It's pronounced the same in Chinese, but I used the Vietnamese spelling.
I want to remind her that she is also half-Vietnamese. My parents-in-law and my husband also respected my idea — they support me. That's why I feel very lucky.
Top image courtesy of Susan and Jet De La Cruz/Unsplash