What to do this CNY when nosy relatives ask you personal questions

It’s the time of year again, when young people in Singapore can expect to be put through rounds of questioning from relatives.

Granted, some of these may be well-meaning uncles and aunties looking for an opening to dispense some good old fashioned advice/wisdom on weighty issues of career, romance, child-rearing, and more.

But it can be hard to have such wide-ranging conversations in the limited time and space of a Chinese New Year visit, especially in the semi-public setting of a home where there may be various other relatives present.

There’s also a real possibility that some of these questions hint at differences in values and priorities across generations. It’s a reality that consecutive generations are marrying and having children later, but the reasons for this may be difficult to explain to someone who grew up in a different time, and vice versa.

This creates an element of tension that young people in Singapore — especially the single and unmarried — are no doubt familiar with.

While the likelihood of such conversations is somewhat lower amid restrictions on social gatherings, which limit households from having more than five guests each day, it never hurts to be prepared.

Here are three strategies that can be adopted, to either Distract, Engage, or Deflect your relatives and clear the air, so that everyone can go back to CNY feasting and festivities.

1. Distract

To avoid getting into conversations about unwelcome topics, one can try to change the topic.

This is the easiest of the three methods to execute, and can be done in various ways — for example, kickstarting a discussion on politics, which, while painful, might be preferable over an interrogation about one’s personal life.

Or, one could grin and bear the pain in one’s wallet, by plying your relatives with lavish, show-stopping gifts, for example.

Perhaps the best distraction of all — and something that unites Singaporeans across demographics — is to point your relatives in the direction of festive season freebies.

This takes the heat off of you, at no cost.

Singtel Dash Town

Something you could (re)direct your relatives to this year is Singtel’s ongoing Dash Town virtual event, offering sure-win prizes like Dash reward points and vouchers from participating merchant partners like ezbuy, Amazon.sg, foodpanda, and more.

You also stand a chance to win 88,888 Dash reward points (worth S$177) each, starting from the first day of CNY (Feb. 1).

Dash Town is a virtual space within the Singtel Dash app that lets you navigate your way around different landmarks as you complete different missions.

Missions (which earn you chances to spin the wheel and win prizes) can take the form of tasks like completing a survey or referring new users.

They can even be as simple as making any transaction of at least S$10, or checking in to Dash Town for five days.

This means that there are many ways to get a free spin of the wheel for a sure-win prize.

These freebies can be a solid distraction that takes the heat off your personal life.

However, for those facing an extended visit, or tech savvy relatives (who might have already completed all possible Dash Town missions), the “Distract” option may need to be complemented by other tactics.

2. Engage

This is a higher-level response, not for the faint of heart. It’s essentially facing up to the probing questions head-on, and actually having that conversation.

While this may be uncomfortable at first, it’s akin to ripping off the band-aid — painful but effective.

Let’s take the example of an auntie who asks: “Ah Boy ah, found girlfriend already or not ah?”

A single, not-quite-ready-to-mingle Ah Boy could respond by acknowledging the subtle critique in the question, i.e., that he should hurry up and settle down. He might respond along the lines of:

“Not yet, auntie, I haven’t found someone.” (A straightforward, objective answer to the question)

“I know I shouldn’t take too long, and that it’s important to stay open-minded and try not to be too picky.” (Acknowledging the unspoken criticism/concerns that might be behind the question)

“Do you have any tips for me? How did you meet Uncle back when you were single like me?” (Opening the conversation, to take the focus off of his own dating situation)

It’s quite likely that your relatives will be ready to end the conversation once they’ve had their chance to dispense their wisdom.

Whether or not you act on it is up to you, but who knows? Maybe they do have a solution or two to your life problems.

3. Deflect

What makes probing questions so uncomfortable is probably the fact that they require you to be open about private matters.

Which is why the “Engage” strategy does not work for everyone.

That said, there may be some matters which you are more open to discussing than others.

It may be more palatable to discuss career issues, over one’s love life. For example, if your career is relatively more on track than your marriage plans, you could deflect a question aimed at matters of the heart, to matters of the job.

Put yourself in the shoes of recently-made-single Ah Boy, who might be asked about his girlfriend, and why she isn’t visiting this year.

He might respond:

“Oh, this year is quite a different year for me. I’ve recently been assigned a new project with a big client. I think it will be quite interesting, yet challenging for me because this is something new for my team that we’ve not tried before.

But hopefully it goes well! Do you happen to know much about the industry? What do you think I should watch out for as I go about this? How did you overcome challenges in your work life?”

Much like the “Engage” strategy, the strategy of deflection allows you to open up the conversation, taking yourself out of the spotlight.

However, the latter two strategies above only work if the relatives you’re speaking to have good intentions, and if you are okay with a certain degree of actual conversation.

On the other hand, if they’re out to grill you, or guilt-trip you into accepting the same tired advice you’ve already politely rejected over the years, then distraction is probably your best bet.

How to enter Dash Town?

(Virtual) entry to Dash Town is free to anyone with the Singtel Dash app. And no, you don’t have to be a Singtel subscriber to use the app.

New Singtel Dash users can even get up to S$20 cashback if they sign up with the referral code “CNY-DASH”.

To get to Dash Town, simply open the Singtel Dash app and tap the turquoise-coloured Dash Town banner on the home screen.

You’ll be taken to a page in the app that introduces you to all the ways to win prizes, by performing simple transactions via the app (such as spending at merchants, remitting cash, and topping up a prepaid hi! SIM card or overseas prepaid account), or by completing special “missions”.

These steps earn you chances to spin the wheel of sure-win prizes.

The event runs till Feb. 15, so it’ll definitely be available as a ready-made activity you can introduce to others.

CNY special event

There will be a CNY special event in Dash Town, on the first five days of the new year.

The CNY special event offers bonus spins for specified transactions on each of the five days — this means extra chances to spin the wheel, on top of the spins you would normally get:

Top up during Li Chun

A common CNY practice is to deposit money into one’s bank account during the auspicious timings of Li Chun (the beginning of spring on the Chinese calendar) for luck.

As an alternative to queueing up at ATMs, you could try topping up your Dash wallet or Dash PET by Etiqa Insurance.

Along with the Li Chun good luck, you’ll also receive 10 free spins if you top up S$188 on both Feb. 4 and Feb. 5.

Here are the auspicious timings for people of each zodiac:

Top image by Peh Lian Soon on Facebook

This sponsored article by Singtel Dash helped the writer get ready for the new year.