Then-primary school form teacher allegedly had 'inappropriate relationship' with student, MOE investigating

When she was in primary school, 12-year-old J (not her real name) entered into what seemed to be a relationship with her form teacher.

They would hold hands, caress each other's faces, and meet surreptitiously late in the evening.

The teacher, who was 26 at the time, would often kiss her forehead and tell her that she loved her.

She would also pen notes and letters in a blog to the student.

Messages between the two of them, seen by Mothership, showed the teacher using expressions like "I love you" and "I miss you".

While neither of them ever put a name to the relationship, J said she felt they "genuinely had a connection".

"There was a period in primary school where we did take a break, because she was like, oh, this is wrong," she recalled.

"I didn't really know what it was at the time. I had never been in a relationship. She used to tell me about her problems and cry.

Now that I look back, it was really like we were dating."

Understanding her feelings

J, now 23, has battled her feelings ever since.

After she graduated, Ms H (not her real name), began to reply to her messages less and less.

She also got married to her boyfriend, who she had been with at the time of her relationship with J.

While J and Ms H remained in intermittent contact, they only met up a handful of times over the years.

One of those occasions was in 2018, when J asked to meet her to pass her a letter.

She had been suffering from depression at the time.

"It was a very, very long letter, to talk about what happened, how I'm depressed, and how I feel she's a big part of this, and how I still have no idea what's going on," she said.

But J never received a response.

Coming to terms

It was only last year — a full 10 years after the relationship quietly ended — that J fully understood how inappropriate the situation had been.

"She would wait for me at a bus stop opposite my house...we'd go out, watch movies together, and hug, stay in each other's arms.

She would caress me...there was once she kissed me on the forehead. And when we were walking, we would hold hands."

Even at school, the teacher would write her notes and give her snacks, which she never did with any other student, J said.

Photos of some of the notes, viewed by Mothership, showed Ms H addressing her as "Peapod" (her private nickname for J) or "my love".

"I'm still here for you, and I'll not stop loving you," one read.

The teacher would also pen letters of affection to J through a shared blog used by the two of them.

In one letter, she wrote, in third person:

"[Ms H] should not be like that. [Ms H] is an educator. She is a teacher. She is supposed to know better. She is supposed to maintain professional distance."

The old relationship continued to plague J, even after she entered university.

She would "still think of [Ms H] a lot", causing her to struggle when getting into new relationships.

After a few conversations with her friends last year, she decided to ask her former teacher to meet her again, "for closure".

But Ms H refused, explaining that she was busy.

She had separated from her husband by this time, J said.

The final straw was when J saw a post online, announcing that Ms H had been promoted to vice-principal of the primary school that she was teaching at.

J said:

"I've always been wondering, does she even care about what happened? Because she's so reluctant to meet me...It was kind of frustrating. I wish we just settled it, once and for all."

Reflecting on the past

In the middle of last year, J decided to write in to the Ministry of Education (MOE).

"I don't want someone to tell her to make a public apology. I just want closure," she explained.

In response to Mothership's queries, an MOE spokesperson said it is aware of the allegations.

"As new information was submitted, MOE is currently reviewing the case. The officer concerned is no longer deployed at any school," the spokesperson said.

"MOE takes a serious view of staff misconduct and will take disciplinary action against those who fail to adhere to our standards of conduct and discipline."

In a reply to a Straits Times forum letter in 2024, the Deputy Director-General of Education (Schools) and Director of Schools said that "MOE has a Code of Professional Conduct for Educators, which sets out clear expectations for proper teacher-student relationships and the standards for appropriate conduct in schools".

The Director of Schools added that the code also includes guidelines for teachers to exercise peer vigilance and report any known misconduct.

As J has recently provided more information to MOE, Mothership understands that MOE has invited her for an interview to corroborate their other findings.

Top image from J