‘I needed to crawl my way to everything’: S’porean rapper, 26, on why he pursued music dream despite financial worries

With his first album just released under Universal Music Singapore at 26 years old, hip-hop rapper Abangsapau has achieved what many aspiring artists probably dream of.

Doing music, however, was not something he considered growing up.

Before he debuted under the moniker Abangsapau in 2019, Shazuan Shiraj had wanted to be a social worker just like his mother, who raised him and his three siblings on her own since he was a teenager.

She'd entered the field while struggling with anxiety, and at a time when the family was themselves in a place of need financially.

It was an ironic yet inspiring situation.

“She would come back [home] and tell us that there are people who are going through a lot also, and that some of them have made it out, and there's still a way out for us…this is not game over,” he recalled.

Taking his mother’s words to heart, Abangsapau sharpened up at school and became a top student at the Institute of Technical Education (ITE) and later at Nanyang Polytechnic.

His path to become a social worker was set — until a friend asked him to freestyle together after class, and sent his life in a very different direction.

Silly songs

It began with him "just making silly songs", like one where he rapped the names of all his poly classmates.

But when he posted his raps online, he received invitations to perform at shows. His hard-hitting, very personal lyrics, based on his own lived experience, struck a chord with his listeners.

An enthusiastic public speaker, Abangsapau already loved the stage. It was natural that he also fell in love with performing and making the crowd go wild with his bars.

During one of his performances, a representative from Def Jam, an international hip-hop record label under Universal Music, happened to be in the audience and took an interest in his music. 

His family and friends, however, were taken by surprise, and not everyone was immediately supportive.

When he signed with Def Jam Southeast Asia in 2020, he was making the decision to become a rapper against the advice of many people.

"Can this last?"

When I asked who questioned his decision, the first person Abangsapau mentioned was his mother, “obviously”, “but with the best intentions”.

“She raised me so carefully, despite how we grew up,” he said. “She always wanted me to have a safe kind of path, but I chose arguably one of the riskiest paths you could take, living in a country like this.”

“I think she just wants to know that I’m set and I’m sure about what I want. Sometimes she, with all the best intentions, thinks, ‘Can this last?’”

There have also been Grab drivers who would ask him what he did, then proceed to question if he could make money, and provide “unsolicited advice” against it.

Although it frustrated him, no one else’s opinion truly mattered much to him, except for his mother’s.

What has shifted his mother’s perspective over the years was seeing thousands of people watch him perform on stage at the 2019 Marina Bay New Year’s Eve countdown.

“Then, it was like a ‘oh’, you know, it's not like a ‘no’. We moved the ‘n’, and now it's just an ‘oh’,” he said.

“But when it became a ‘huh’ was when I got the NDP (National Day Parade) gig during Covid, and I performed with her.”

At the 2020 parade, in what he described as “one of the most intimate NDP [performances] you could ever have”, Abangsapau and his mother sang a song he wrote about change and his mother’s constant support.

It was also eye-opening to see her son get recognised by strangers when they were out together.

These moments, he believed, made her realise that maybe her son could make a career out of music.

Every few months, though, her concern would creep up again.

“My mum would believe me for a while [and] after that, I have to convince her again,” he said wryly. “[She would ask,] ‘Son, you sure you don’t want to go back and get a degree or something?’”

"It always happens. It never goes away. It's my mum being my mum.”

A hunger to keep going

Even as he reassured his mother about his prospects in music, he sometimes struggled with whether he had made the right decision.

He had no backup plan in terms of a diploma or a parent with money, he pointed out. 

In 2023, when both the music industry and his mother were not doing well, he found himself working multiple part-time jobs to support his family.

Going from shift to shift at different places, he did all kinds of work from washing dishes and cleaning to making sandwiches.

He thought it unfair that such a life might be his reality if he chose to continue pursuing his dreams in music.

During this mentally tough time, his mother’s words once again lit a spark in him.

“There has to be a way for me to make this work despite my circumstances, like my mum always said,” he thought to himself then.

It was precisely his less favourable circumstances that finally fuelled his hunger to work harder.

For six to seven months, he would go home after each shift, pull up some music on his phone, and write — about anything, as long as he made a new song every day.

He ended up with around 300 demos. None of them made it to his new album, but he credited them for getting him to the stage where he could make the album.

“It took those 300 songs to write these 14 songs [on the album]."

Making himself heard

Since 2024, Abangsapau has been able to dedicate himself fully to music.

By engaging more deeply with other artists and initiating his own creative projects, he found ways to put himself further out there in the music community.

“The more I started doing, the more doors opened, and the more opportunities there were,” he said.

Somewhere along the line, he realised: no one would give him opportunities if he didn't create them for himself. 

“I think a big part of why I was struggling wasn't that I wasn't talented. It was just that people don't know [me],” he said. “If people don't know [you], how are they going to open the door for you?” 

“Other people might knock on doors — I’m banging. I want to make sure I get in the door.”

Sounds like a lot of work for someone who had never intended to venture into music in the first place.

I had to ask, what changed his mind? What motivated him to keep creating music through those financially challenging times?

It was the messages he received from people who were moved and changed by his songs.

“Two-plus years ago, I got a DM (direct message) from somebody who said that one of my songs stopped them from hurting themselves permanently,” he told me.

It was both sobering and empowering for him to be reminded of the impact his words could have on others, especially children.

“They’re going to grow up remembering what you did for the rest of their lives, and it may lead to them doing something cool in the future,” he said. “To be trusted with that, I see that as a position of power.” 

A lot more to do

These six years since his debut have also changed the life of Abangsapau himself.

Several times during our conversation, I was struck by his maturity as he reflected on his journey and who he wanted to be as an artist.

Even as he spoke about the injustice he used to feel towards his circumstances, I sensed no bitterness in his voice, but rather an understanding and compassion for himself.

He would still get frustrated sometimes, he said, especially when things got financially tough at home. 

But he has been slowly letting go of the resentment of where he comes from, embracing the struggles he went through for shaping him into who he is today.

“Now I think there's a lot of beauty to it,” he said. “Now, whatever I do achieve means a lot more to me, because I really had no silver spoons, you know. I needed to crawl my way to everything, and whatever I do have, I cherish.”

On the cover of his new album, he openly features his family's humble three-room flat in Yishun, with common household items strewn around and his mother ironing in the background.

He has faith not only in himself, but also in the growth of the Singapore music industry and his place in it.

And in 2023, wanting to help others find their space as well, he founded the local music collective New Mongrels, which spotlights talented artists in Singapore through live shows, music distribution, and more.

“I think I've experienced enough in this industry to understand that you can [make a career out of music], that there is space,” he said.

At the young age of 26, Abangsapau has many years ahead of him to continue making his mark in this space, and he looks forward to it.

“I’m still not satisfied,” he told me.

He has many things he wants to do in the future, from making a short film about his journey, to setting up an exhibition on hip-hop in Singapore.

Ultimately, though, his goal is simply to be able to keep doing what he does right now.

“I just dream of always being in the position to be creative while being able to feed myself in Singapore,” he said. “As long as I can do that, I'm happy.”

Top images from ak_cinematics55.sgphotography/Instagram and Universal Music Singapore