I am a vacuum cleaner & I suck: Here’s a letter to those who yank & shove me around

I bet you’ve never heard a vacuum cleaner say, “Ha, I suck.”

So, I will bet you have this more frequently: “Have you cleaned your room?”

Ah, the ever-familiar question from the woman of the house that draws anyone out from seclusion. Yours truly included.

It’s no joy cleaning up the mess made by other people.

My pet peeve is the occasional mystery gunk on the floor. No, but seriously, what’s that?!

The dirty job

But there are some items I hate with a passion when it comes to cleaning up, namely dust, food crumbs, and loose hair.

Something about dust and its ability to reappear time after time. No matter how many times I go over a surface, it shows up again the next day.

Food crumbs? Keep them for the table, please, not the floor. I don’t want to taste your leftovers.

Don’t even get me started on hair because why are we even dropping this much hair? (Not that anyone asked, but you should probably get your scalp checked.)

An earnest plea

If anything, I am simply trying to maintain the hygiene of the house so help me out here.

For once, stop cramming me into tight spaces where I clearly can’t fit, dragging me around and scraping my sides with every tug.

Utterly embarrassing.

But I guess the worst of all is feeling underappreciated.

I’m not expecting a thank you or a pat on the handle.

At the very least, I am just hoping that you would stop yanking on my cord like you’re starting a motorboat.

Just a simple request to show me a little appreciation by changing my filter once in a while, or wiping me down occasionally.

Or else…

If that’s too much to ask, maybe we’re not meant to be.

Perhaps you’re looking for someone a little less rigid, more self-sufficient and just “gets” you.

As much as it sucks (pun intended) to be saying this, maybe the Dreame X50 Ultra is what you’re looking for.

It’s a robot vacuum that doesn’t complain as much as I do, doesn’t need to be dragged around and is pretty much self-sufficient.

Besides the self-cleaning feature, the Dreame X50 Ultra can easily navigate your home, avoiding obstacles and cleaning without breaking a sweat (or filter), all thanks to its advanced Lidar sensor.

The sensor also makes for precise navigation, easily reaching those corners that traditional vacuum cleaners (like me) typically aren’t able to reach.

I mean, have you heard of a vacuum cleaner that can climb stairs on its own???

Well, the Dreame X50 Ultra is capable of just that, with its Proleap system.

You don’t have to yank it over steps or kitchen kerbs, because it can cross over steps up to 6cm high with its robotic retractable legs.

Plus, you won’t even know about its cleaning “adventure” because of its integrated absorption system that prevents harsh collisions.

No clink, clank, clonk, which means there won’t be any worrying whether your vacuum is still alive.

Oh, and you chronic hair-droppers will love this.

The Dreame X50 Ultra comes with the HyperStream Detangling DuoBrush, which does what the name suggests – detangle hair.

It also comes with an enhanced side brush, which sweeps your corners with ease.

No more jamming your vacuum cleaner repeatedly into tight corners (ugh, so uncouth) just to pick up stubborn dirt now.

Convinced?

Here’s an even better news.

On Mar. 2, the first 100 buyers can enjoy the Dreame X50 Ultra at a special launch price, accompanied by free stick vacuum, water kit installation, and a one-year accessory pack (worth S$1,378).

Get yours here now.

This branded article by Dreame made this writer want to thank her old vacuum for the good work. You’ve been great, but the DreameX50 is so much better.

Top photo from Michelle Chew.