What are our greatest fears as our grandparents/parents age?

During a video call with my mother in January 2024, I suddenly noticed that her background did not resemble our home.

When I asked her where she was, she told me that she had moved in with my maternal grandmother temporarily to take care of her, who had accidentally slipped and broken her hip while visiting a wet market by herself.

While my grandmother, who is in her 80s, eventually recovered from her injury, she became a different person.

Before the incident, she loved going outdoors, visiting parks, and taking long bus rides around the city.

After her injury, however, she became reluctant to step outside her flat, even a year after the incident.

When she did so out of necessity, she would walk in very small steps to avoid slipping again.

When I voiced my concern about the change in her personality, my grandmother brushed it off by saying she was only just being cautious.

However, I knew that underneath her tough front, she was worried that if she were to fall again, the consequence could be more severe due to her advanced age.

If that happens, my grandmother worries that no one would be around to care for her, as my mother doesn’t live with her. She also doesn’t want to add to my mother’s stress and struggles in my mother’s own life.

This is my mother’s biggest fear, too. As my grandmother’s sole caretaker, she worries that my grandmother would suffer a more severe injury or even pass on, and she cannot be there in time for her own mother.

While my mother had considered hiring a professional caretaker for my grandmother, she became hesitant over the cost and the possibility that the caretaker would not take as thorough care of my grandmother as she did.

Fearing leaving life partner behind, alone

My grandmother, my mother, and I are not the only ones becoming more worried as our elderly family members age.

For Rachel (not her real name), 30, her grandparents’ biggest fear was that one of them would leave this world first, leaving the other one alone and stranded.

Rachel’s grandparents, who are both in their late 80s, had been married for 60 years.

This enduring companionship was what made Rachel’s grandfather, who suffers from stage 4 cancer, worried that if he were to leave this world, his wife would be left alone and would not be able to take care of herself.

Likewise, Rachel’s grandmother was also worried that she could not cope with his passing and would be overwhelmed by her longing for him.

Fearing not spending enough time with elderly relatives

While ageing is undoubtedly difficult for many seniors, the process is just as difficult for their caregivers.

Elle (not her real name), 27, worried that she would not be able to spend enough time with her grandparents, who are in their 90s and 80s, respectively.

Elle’s grandfather became largely bedridden after his health deteriorated with age, a state he felt uneasy in, as he used to play golf weekly and tour through the course.

Her grandmother, who suffers from Parkinson’s Disease, currently stays in a nursing home as Elle’s family cannot afford to hire a live-in nurse to take care of her around the clock.

However, the situation depresses Elle’s grandmother, as she would very much prefer to be in the comfort of her home than to be surrounded by people she does not know.

Although Elle tries her best to cheer them up by spending time with her grandparents and reading news to them, it is becoming a challenge for her to do so as she begins preparing for her new life with her partner.

Fearing elderly may suffer injuries when nobody is around

Similarly, Laura (not her real name), 28, shared that her biggest fear was that her grandmother, who has dementia and is wheelchair-bound, would fall again and lose all her mobility and lucidity.

According to Laura, her grandmother, who is in her 90s, sustained a series of falls over the last two years.

Initially, Laura’s grandmother could keep her independent spirit and was able to go to the washroom by herself at night.

However, she had a fall again. This time, she became entirely non-communicative for a while and wheelchair-bound.

Laura’s family has since engaged two domestic helpers to take care of her grandmother, but the costs are adding up, so it is not a long-term solution.

“It’s such a simple but complex thing, but what we really need is more eyes on my grandmother. To keep her safe while still respecting her privacy as someone who’s ultimately very independent and enjoys her own space,” added Laura.

Help can be just one button away

While our circumstances are not the same, what all caregivers want is an additional safety net to help us care for our elderly family members.

Besides regular updates on their health and well-being, we also want to make sure that if our seniors ever find themselves in life-threatening situations, help can arrive in a timely manner, especially when we are occupied with work or other commitments.

If these anecdotes resonate with you, consider using the Singapore Red Cross (SRC)’s’ Home Monitoring and Eldercare (HoME+) system.

HoME+ system is "a non-invasive monitoring, alert, and response system" that allows you to monitor the safety and well-being of your elderly family members at any time of the day through a phone app.

The system does not infringe on the senior’s privacy, as its multiple sensors detect movement only and do not operate like a CCTV.

It also includes two panic buttons that seniors can easily press in the event of an emergency.

Once activated, the alert is sent directly to the SRC call centre, which operates 24 hours a day, seven days a week. The call centre team will then promptly assess the nature and severity of the situation.

Based on their evaluation, they will either dispatch trained SRC first-aid responders who are on standby around the clock or escalate it to emergency services if immediate medical attention is required.

Depending on the type of HDB the senior stays in, whether it is a one-, two-, three- or four-room flat, the monthly subscription fee for the HoME+ system will cost from S$50 per month for non-Blue CHAS cardholders and from S$10 per month for Blue CHAS cardholders.

You can find out more about HoME+ system here.

This branded article by Singapore Red Cross allows the writer to spend more time with her grandmother.

Top image via Canva; photo for illustration purposes only