'I wanted to die, but I got pregnant': Teen mum in S'pore on turning her life around for daughter

When 17-year-old Anna (not her real name) heard her baby's heartbeat for the first time, the world went quiet.

For the first time in her life, the rhythm of her days wasn’t dictated by the jeers of peers or toxic threats — it was a steady, rhythmic thrum on a hospital monitor.

She fell in love instantly.

Despite a nagging fear that she didn't "deserve" to be a mother, she knew she couldn’t let her go.

"I always told God that maybe I wanted to die. But suddenly I got pregnant, and it's like he gave me a glimpse of hope to live for something," the now 20-year-old told Mothership.

Anna made a vow then — she would be a "good mum" and build a life for her daughter that looked nothing like her own.

An empty house

The "bleakness" Anna felt at 17 was rooted in a fractured home, she told me over coffee on a rainy afternoon.

She recalls how her life took a sharp turn when her father was sentenced to prison, leaving her mother in a "lost state of mind".

While her mother stepped up to handle the bills, there was no room left for emotional presence.

"I was just left with an empty house. It was really painful because I had to do it all alone," Anna recalled.

School wasn't any better for her.

Bullying and vicious rumours saw her mental health crumble until she eventually dropped out.

Despite harbouring hopes of returning to school once things improved, she found herself working part-time jobs, adrift and looking for a place to belong.

Fell in "love"

In her loneliness, Anna met her daughter's father on Instagram.

It began innocuously — replies to stories, a few compliments.

For a girl who felt invisible, the attention must have been intoxicating.

However, the charm soon curdled into control.

There were the lies about his age (he was 25, not 21 as he told her) and about his relationship with another girl.

The worst part, though, was the way he intimidated her into intimacy.

He threatened to release an intimate photo of her if she refused sex, Anna recounted with a crack in her voice.

Finding out she's pregnant

It is easy to look at Anna’s situation from the outside and wonder why she didn't leave.

Lies, threats, and an overcontrolling nature do not lend themselves well to a healthy relationship.

But you might stay if that's what you think love is supposed to be.

This illusion eventually shattered when Anna was working at her part-time job, and she suddenly fainted.

When she woke up, she found herself in a hospital, surrounded by doctors and nurses.

Soon, she was told the life-altering news that she was pregnant.

When she called her partner, the "love" she had been clinging to evaporated in an instant.

"He shouted at me, I don't want it. I don't want you. I'm breaking up with you. So he left. He left, and I was there — dumbfounded."

"I thought we were in a committed relationship, but apparently, he didn't love me that much," Anna said.

She has accepted that he does not want to be in her child's life, but says she doesn't understand how he could make that decision.

Facing her parents

On top of dealing with her pregnancy and heartbreak, Anna also had to break the news to her parents.

Somehow, that was the hardest part for her.

Despite their rocky relationship, she still didn't want to disappoint them.

She even begged the doctor not to tell her parents the full story before she could do so herself in person.

It turned out, though, that her mother had already noticed the physical changes in her and already had her suspicions.

It took a while for both her parents to accept the news, but eventually, love and excitement over a grandchild prevailed.

A glimpse of hope

As a child carrying a child, Anna's original thought was that she could not go through with it.

But her first ultrasound changed everything.

Hearing the steady thrum of her baby's heartbeat for the first time, her first thought was: "What would I do without her?"

She had originally felt that she didn't "deserve" to have a child, but slowly realised that motherhood might change something in her.

"I always told God that maybe I wanted to die. But suddenly I got pregnant, and it's like he gave me a glimpse of hope to live for something," she said.

"And if I die, what about my baby? Who's gonna look after her and accept her as I do?"

Anna looked at the blurry grey image of the scan and made a quiet promise — to provide her baby with the emotional support she didn't receive.

"I want to be a good mom," she said.

What keeps her going

It is probably an understatement to say pregnancy is an overwhelming experience for a woman.

What more for a 17-year-old teenager?

Anna said her mother and sister stepped up to help prepare her for her pregnancy and childbirth.

But the mental aspect was the most challenging.

Post-pregnancy, she experienced postpartum depression (PPD), a common experience for new mums.

Anna said, "I wasn't sure if I could be a mother. What if I couldn't even do a simple task like going to the shop? How am I supposed to manage?"

It didn't help that when she looks in the mirror now, she sees a totally different version of herself.

Yet, whenever she feels like she cannot get out of bed, she looks at her now two-year-old daughter, with her innocent eyes and cute cheeks, and Anna manages to keep going.

"My baby, she gave me the motivation to get up, don't be lazy and keep going," she said.

Breaking the cycle

Anna realises PPD is something not everyone can easily overcome in a day or a week or even a month.

It can persist for a long time, and for Anna, it is something she is struggling with to this day.

"I'm still upset about my appearance, I'm still upset about not being a better person. It's difficult. It's very heart-aching, it's very stressful," she said.

"Even with the help that you might receive, you can still feel alone in a room full of people."

Healing doesn't happen in a vacuum.

Anna also found a lifeline in Babes, a non-profit agency supporting pregnant teenagers.

What started as a search for support turned into a vocation — for two years, Anna has evolved from a participant to a volunteer, helping other girls navigate the same fears she once had.

This newfound purpose and her experience with motherhood also sparked a dream.

Anna has now officially enrolled in a course to get a certificate in early childhood care and education.

To be a good mum

Throughout our interview, Anna often returned to the same question: whether she could be a good mother.

I didn't have a definitive answer, seeing as I am not a mother myself. But as a daughter, I could recognise Anna's efforts.

Most of all, I could recognise Anna's love.

From the way she spoke about searching online for parenting tips to the way her eyes lit up when she spoke about her daughter, it was obvious that Anna is doing her best.

A vow to that blurry, grey image.

She is determined to give her daughter the kind of childhood she never had.

At 17, Anna wasn’t sure she wanted to live.

Now, at 20, she is driven by a new pulse — the chaotic yet beautiful reality of a life with her daughter.

Helplines

If you or someone you know are in mental distress, here are some hotlines you can call to seek help, advice, or just a listening ear:

• National mindline.sg Hotline: 1771 (24 hours)
• National mindline.sg WhatsApp: 66691771 (24 hours)
• SOS 24-hour Hotline: 1-767
• Singapore Association for Mental Health: 1800-283-7019
• SHECARES@SCWO: Call: 8001 01 4616 | WhatsApp: 8985 5528 (For targets of online harms)
• National Anti-Violence and Sexual Harassment Helpline (NAVH): 1800-777-0000