POV: I'm a S'porean woman in my 40s. I left my cheating husband. It made me a stronger mum & role model.

A woman in Singapore shared that she chose to stay with her unfaithful husband in hopes that he would change.

Her story was shared widely with many women weighing in.

Now, another woman has reached out to Mothership to share her own experience with infidelity.

Jenny (not her real name) said the betrayal marked a turning point.

Rather than waiting for her husband to change, she made the difficult decision to leave — a choice she now credits for making her stronger.

Speaking under the condition of anonymity, Jenny recounted how the affair came to light and how her husband's behaviour and personality changed from their earlier days of courtship and marriage.

Faced with the painful choice between preserving a stable home for their child or pursuing a healthier future for both herself and her daughter, she chose the latter.

Despite the emotional challenges of the divorce, Jenny says she emerged from the experience a stronger mother and a more empowered role model for her child.

By Jenny, in response to Anna's story

Over a decade together

My ex and I have celebrated more than 10 years of marriage.

It was his second marriage.

Our journey began at a private institution where we balanced part-time education alongside our jobs, striving to earn degrees that would pave the way for career advancement.

Throughout our courtship and beyond, we developed our careers in tandem, consistently supporting each other through every challenge and success.

During our courtship, he showered me with adoring words: “You are worth at least three lifetime of good deeds. You are too good to be true for me so much so that I hope heaven is not playing a joke on me.”

A few years later, we got married, pledging loyalty through life's ups and downs.

Turns out, heaven did play a joke.

But it was on me, not him.

Although we hadn't planned on having children, we were blessed with a wonderful daughter.

While we did have our quirks, I recognised that marriage thrives on accepting imperfections and valuing one another.

He often handled night feedings, and our daughter's presence enriched our lives immeasurably.

Family holds a central place in my heart, and I cherished every family moment, whether travelling, enjoying good food and gatherings, or exploring new experiences together.

Fast forward to today, he is a team leader, and I hold a management role.

I, too, juggle multiple roles: a working professional, a caregiver to elderly family members, and most importantly, a devoted mother to our beautiful daughter.

I believed that my life was just right.

Until it wasn’t.

A changed man

Like Anna, I also began observing troubling changes in my ex-husband earlier this year, following his week-long business trip to the United States, which included the younger colleague among his team.

Anna wrote: "Then, without warning, he asked for a 'cooling-off period,' saying he needed space and freedom.”

This all sounds so familiar because, out of the blue, he also requested a "cooling-off period", stating that he needed space and freedom.

I was devastated.

Especially since we had recently taken time off to celebrate Valentine’s Day.

During that time, I had shared my intention to reduce my work commitments to focus on the next chapter of our marriage since our daughter was older and not as clingy as she used to be.

Like Anna, I thought we were still a happy, grounded family.

However, he became increasingly withdrawn and started planning a move to his father's home.

He suggested maintaining status quo, remaining married in name only, for the sake of our daughter.

I contemplated a myriad of reasons for his apparent betrayal of our vows and grew genuinely concerned about the possibility of him experiencing depression.

I resolved not to abandon him in sickness, as I believed that marriage involves enduring both good times and bad.

Although I found it difficult to accept his proposal, I persisted in making efforts to save our marriage, researching for marriage counselling, preparing his breakfasts until he moved, and ensuring he was cared for by packing and delivering essentials to his father's place.

Over time, however, he began to find fault in everything I did, criticising, nitpicking, and creating tension with outbursts.

Despite being advised by many that there might be another person involved, I refused to believe it.

Discovering he cheated

When my ex began distancing himself without explanation, I decided to be patient, resorting to tears only in the middle of the night when my daughter was asleep.

I held onto the hope that our family would reunite, believing he was just going through a midlife crisis.

How could he even think of tearing apart the family we built with our precious daughter?

I became consumed by the need for answers about our crumbling marriage.

I believe marriage requires effort and shared responsibility from both partners.

I was doing my part, but he claimed it was too late, without giving any warning. Despite more than a decade of sticking together, he never sought a second chance.

Desperate for closure, I hired a private investigator.

I hoped they would not find anything, just to confirm that we had simply grown apart.

But the very next week, after moving back to his father's place, he was seen at his younger female colleague's house.

The pictures and videos shattered me inside.

I'll never forget the evening he FaceTimed our daughter, claiming he was picking up dinner from work, while the investigator sent me a photo of him dining with the other woman and her pet, their intimate acts, and then entering her private estate.

That moment felt like being hit by a storm of truth.

The man I loved and trusted for over a decade had irrevocably broken his vows.

I chose not to confront him, and he continued weaving his lies.

In fact, I did not submit the photos and videos to the court during our divorce proceedings.

It no longer mattered to me, but my heart ached for my daughter, who believed she was her father's only love.

She despises dishonesty.

He absurdly began blaming me for everything.

The burden of managing the household and meeting the emotional needs of our child, while trying to maintain my own sanity, was enormous.

He stopped taking my daughter to school and started having angry outbursts any time we were together.

Not a single word of remorse ever came from the man I once believed was my forever.

To be a better version of myself

When he moved out and we finalised our paperwork, only a month had passed.

It was a decisive action.

While choosing to stay or leave is subjective, I believe that maintaining boundaries is important, and a betrayal of trust crosses that line.

Taking such a significant step requires courage, often accompanied by emotional ups and downs.

I wanted long-term stability over short-term comfort, wanting my daughter to understand the importance of respect, boundaries, and self-reliance.

As cliché as it sounds, it's okay to not be okay, and I allowed myself months to grieve the loss of the man I once thought I'd grow old with.

I experienced unexpected breakdowns and tears, feeling my world collapse, but I put up a strong front for my daughter, who was struggling with anxiety.

Indeed, mothers do everything for their children.

As for him, he seemed disconnected from his own family and friends, fleeing from challenges.

I learned this pattern occurred in his first marriage and now again with ours.

He lacks resilience, and I can only pity him.

During this time, I lost significant weight, fitting back into size S clothing, which I took as a silver lining.

I turned my focus towards health and wellness.

I aspired to improve myself — physically, mentally, and emotionally. I wanted to look good, feel good and do good.

I returned to school for a short course, took up a new hobby, and got involved in volunteer work.

Throughout all that, I also managed household repairs, dealt with pests, supported my daughter's therapy, attended to her educational needs, and guided her healing process.

Strong support from family and friends provided a safe haven.

I also chanced upon support groups that helped me with processing my thoughts and feelings.

Finding peace

Because of the circumstances I found myself in, I too realised that many women are quietly enduring similar heartbreak, left to piece their lives back together after being abandoned by someone they trusted.

I am no saint and I am a hopeless romantic.

In our conservative society, infidelity is often seen as a serious transgression.

However, when considering feelings and emotions, I cannot fault the young colleague who became involved, despite knowing the man was married with a child.

Emotions can be uncontrollable.

I simply hope she avoids the experiences his previous wives faced.

A month ago, on our wedding anniversary, my ex unexpectedly sent me a remorseful music video late at night, possibly while sleeping beside her.

Who is the lucky one? Who is to judge? Living in fear is not going to be easy for her too. I’m glad I have moved on.

I don't claim to know what real men should do.

Reflecting on my own experiences, I recognise I might handle my marriage differently if given another chance, as both partners contribute to a marriage’s success or failure.

I once loved this man and I gave my all.

I chose to fight for my marriage while I still could, and I also chose to move on when the time was right.

When my daughter is old enough to understand all that has transpired, I hope to have been a positive role model for her.

To Anna, I just want you to know, I see you. You are not alone.

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