'What's going to happen to my children?': Mum-&-daughter cancer survivors, 48 & 8, bond over fight against cancer

When Vanessia Woo told her youngest child, Olivia, that she had stage three breast cancer, Olivia did not react much.

She was only five then, and maybe did not understand the severity of her mother's illness.

But it was also somewhat of a role reversal for mother and daughter.

Olivia was just five weeks old when Vanessia and her husband learnt their tiny baby had leukaemia.

A brave front

They had brought her to a hospital for a fever, Vanessia remembers. Just to get it checked out.

But two blood tests later, the doctors confirmed that about 90 per cent of the cells in her bone marrow were leukaemia cells.

"That broke us," Vanessia said. "We didn't know how to react."

She tried to be strong for her child. For the first few months of her life in 2018, Olivia underwent various tests, surgeries, and chemotherapy.

To check whether she was responding well to treatment, doctors had to do a lumbar puncture every few weeks. This involved inserting a very long needle into her lower back to draw samples of fluid surrounding her spinal cord.

As Olivia was so young at the time, the procedure had to be done without any anaesthetic.

It was "crazy" for Vanessia to imagine the pain her baby must have felt.

"Every single time that I had to send her for the test, I put up a brave front when I bring her into the room," the mother, now 48, said.

"And the minute I stepped out, I broke down, every single time."

Photos she shared of Olivia in hospital show her face bloated as a result of the treatment. She also developed a cyst on her bottom that required surgery to remove.

The sister's offer

There wasn't much Vanessia could do about the procedures, but she was determined to give her little girl as much care as she could.

Every day for six months, she would keep Olivia company in the isolation ward. During this time, she would breastfeed her despite the stress affecting her milk flow.

Vanessia did not carry the weight of caregiving alone.

Her husband, who she described as her biggest source of support at the time, was right next to her in the hospital with Olivia through the first 10 weeks or so, under paternity leave.

Her brother would also take over watching Olivia in the hospital when Vanessia needed a break.

The support she perhaps least expected came from her eldest child Kate.

At a young 10 years old, Kate was willing and eager to give her bone marrow to save her younger sister once the family found out that she was a perfect match for a stem cell transplant.

When Vanessia sat Kate down to explain the situation and that Olivia might need her bone marrow, Kate told her it was no problem.

"I'll do anything for Olivia," she said. "I'm not afraid of the pain."

Fortunately, the doctors said that the stem cells Kate had stored with Cordlife when she was born were sufficient to not require Kate's bone marrow for the procedure.

It was a great relief to Vanessia and her husband, who were deeply moved by Kate's gesture.

The stem cell transplant was a success, and Olivia was discharged from the hospital when she was eight months old.

Double diagnoses

Given that her cancer treatment happened all before she turned one, it's no surprise that Olivia, now eight, does not remember the experience. All she knows of it came from the stories her parents told her later.

Vanessia counts this as a blessing.

The rest of the family, however, remember it all too well, making it harder for Vanessia to tell them about her own diagnosis five years later in 2023.

When she learnt she had breast cancer, the first thing that came to her mind was, "What's going to happen to my children?"

"I wasn't even afraid for myself... I was just afraid that I won't be there for [my children]."

The double cancer diagnoses in the family hit her two older children hard.

Not only were they worried for their mother, they also missed spending time with her.

Her son Travis kept falling ill himself during those months when Olivia had leukaemia. Not yet three at the time, he was sad he was barely seeing his parents.

Vanessia did not want that to happen again.

Even as she felt tired from chemotherapy, she made sure to be present for her children.

"Sometimes I don't even want to get out of bed. I can't even calm down," she said. "But I know that they'll be worried...if they don't see me, so I have to still get up and come downstairs and have a meal with them, or chat with them."

After that, she would hide away in her bedroom. Her room became a safe haven for her, where she allowed only her husband to see her vulnerable side during this time.

Hiding the effects of the treatment was the toughest part, but as she did when Olivia was sick, Vanessia wanted to be strong for her family.

From caregiver to patient

But no one can be strong all the time.

Pivoting from caregiver to someone needing care, it took Vanessia some time to start leaning on others.

Thinking that the diagnosis would make her mother sad, she tried to avoid telling her. Her mother, however, had a gut feeling something was wrong.

When Vanessia did break the news, her mother surprised her by saying calmly, "Okay, let's get through this. Let's get you treated."

Her father was no different. He assured her that with today's medical advancements, there was nothing to worry about, and she would get through it.

"That, to me, was the biggest comfort that I got," Vanessia said.

Unlike Olivia who fell sick as a child, she was an adult who could not rely on others to always be there to help her.

Yet this did not mean she had to do everything on her own — she needed to seek help from others.

This included asking her parents to move in to help take care of her children during her treatment, and calling up her friends to ask if they would drive her to chemotherapy sessions.

"Initially, it was a bit uncomfortable because I'm always the one giving the care," she said. "But after a while, I learnt to appreciate it, and learnt that asking for help... There's no shame in that."

Taking it in stride

Looking back at her journey through cancer, Vanessia believes she made many brave decisions.

Knowing that she would start losing her hair, she went ahead and shaved it all off before it even began, about two weeks into treatment.

"I think to me, seeing my long hair fall out is more painful than me trying to just remove it... so that I don't see the hair fall," she said.

Her mother, husband, and son were right beside her in the salon, each of them taking turns to shave her head.

"I felt very confident in being bald," she said. "I never try to hide it."

Her hair was not the only, nor the hardest, thing she had to remove.

Although her cancer had only spread to her left breast at the time, Vanessia decided to remove both her breasts as a preventive measure.

A double mastectomy would make the breast reconstruction procedure afterwards more painful, but she was determined to make sure she stayed healthy.

"Thinking back, if you ask me again, I think I'll still do it," she said. "It makes me proud of myself for being able to to make that decision and move on."

Now, about two years later, she spoke to us comfortably in her home, while enjoying an afternoon snack with Olivia and her mother.

Living her fullest life

The apple doesn't fall far from the tree, as Olivia shares her mother's strong will and positive attitude.

One of the chemotherapy drugs Olivia received caused an irreversible nerve damage, leaving her with a foot drop.

She has no control over her left ankle and cannot lift that foot. To help her walk more easily, she wears a brace known as an ankle-foot orthosis when she goes out.

It's a side effect she will have to live with, but it has not stopped her from doing things that other children can do — running, cycling, swimming.

In fact, we had moved our interview forward slightly so that Olivia could go to swimming class afterwards.

Sitting beside her mother as we chatted, Olivia was a bundle of energy.

She laughed and kicked her legs around as she talked about her plan to dance in the streets of South Korea on an upcoming trip arranged by the Make-A-Wish Foundation.

Looking fondly at her daughter, Vanessia said she is most proud of Olivia's can-do spirit.

"Never once was she affected by her physical appearance... She's always willing to try everything."

There would still be physiotherapy exercises Olivia did not want to do, but all it takes is a little explanation from her mother that they would help to strengthen her legs, and she would readily agree.

"She knows what needs to be done, and she will do it," Vanessia said.

The tough times will pass

On Aug. 29, both mother and daughter walked the runway together at Fashion for Cancer, an annual charity fashion show that raises funds for cancer research and patient support.

Featuring cancer patients and survivors as models, the initiative also hopes to bring hope and strength to others going through the journey.

But before that, back at home, Vanessia had to pause to think about what encouragement she would give to someone in her position.

"No words can describe what a parent has to go through when their child is sick," she said.

"I can't tell them to stay positive when things are looking bad... but what I can tell them that is that the tough times will pass.

You will see the light at the end of the tunnel. Just hang on... You'll get through it."

To others going through cancer, Olivia had simple words of comfort: "Don’t worry, you’ll be fine."

Almost the same thing she told her mother, with a pat on the back, when she was going through cancer.

Olivia may not remember her own experience, but Vanessia never lets her forget the special bond they have, as fighters, as survivors.

It's good to have loved ones you can rely on, the young girl added.

@mothershipsg The Tan family faced not 1, but 2 cancer diagnoses – mum and younger daughter – and a difficult choice: whether to use one child’s bone marrow to save another. Through it all, their unconditional love and unwavering support carried them through. Today, both mother and daughter are cancer survivors, proudly walking the runway together at the 2026 Fashion for Cancer event❤️ #mothershiporiginals ♬ original sound - Mothership