Woman's 2 children with ADHD bite into donuts from VivoCity bakery shelf, hears staff criticise her for ‘poor' parenting

A woman in Singapore claimed that a bakery staff criticised her parenting skills after two of her children, who have attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), picked up and ate donuts directly from the display shelf.

The woman recounted the incident in an anonymous post in the Facebook group Complaint Singapore on Jul. 24.

Ate donuts directly from the display

According to the post, the woman had visited Yamazaki Bakery at VivoCity with her two young children and domestic helper.

Her children each picked up a donut from the display and bit into it.

She said she immediately apologised to the staff and assured them that she would pay for the two donuts.

The woman remained in the bakery to buy food, while her domestic helper stayed outside the store with the children.

However, a few moments later, an elderly female staff member standing behind the counter allegedly said loudly in Mandarin:

"We cannot blame the children. We can only blame the parents for their poor upbringing."

The woman said those words hit her harder than she could have ever imagined.

"As a mother, I already carry the daily challenges, worries, and emotional weight of raising two children with ADHD," she wrote.

She explained that she always kept a close eye on her children when they are out, as they can sometimes act impulsively before fully processing the consequences of their actions.

"This is not because they are ill-mannered, spoiled, or intentionally disobedient," she said. "It is part of a neurodevelopmental condition that they never chose to have, and certainly not something I wished upon them."

She added:

"Hearing a stranger publicly judge my parenting, without knowing anything about my children or our circumstances, was incredibly painful and humiliating."

Approached the staff member to clarify

The woman said she subsequently approached the staff member and calmly explained that both her children have ADHD, and that their behaviour was related to their condition rather than "poor parenting".

"I told her that her remark was deeply hurtful," she added.

The mother also wrote about the challenges of raising children with ADHD, including attending therapy appointments, managing emotional meltdowns and helping them navigate situations that others may not understand.

"I don’t expect everyone to understand ADHD, but I do hope people can choose kindness over judgement," she wrote.

She added:

"Before criticising a parent or a child, please remember that you may not know the battles they are fighting behind closed doors. Compassion costs nothing, but it can mean everything to a family trying their very best."

Mixed reactions online

The post drew mixed reactions from commenters.

Some said that while ADHD may explain impulsive behaviour, it did not remove the responsibility of parents to teach and manage their children's behaviour.

The woman's decision to share a photo of the staff online also became a point of contention, with some commenters saying that posting someone's photo without their consent was inappropriate, regardless of whether their alleged remarks were justified.

Others, however, said the circumstances surrounding the incident should be taken into consideration before judging the mother or her children, and expressed support for the woman.

Mothership has reached out to Yamazaki for comment.