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Firsthand: S’pore woman, 35, who lost hair & self-esteem amid cancer treatment, shares journey to recovery
Throughout her cancer journey, Shuwen Lou had to grapple with how she defined beauty and confidence.
By
Amber Tay
August 24, 2024, 10:06 AM
Shuwen Lou, 35, would not describe herself as a model.
Yet after hearing about Fashion for Cancer — a charity fashion show with cancer survivors as the models — Lou decided to take a leap of faith and model for the charity event.
On the day leading up to the event, Lou was a ball of nerves, conscious of the cameras and eyes that would be on her.
“But then you just go for it,” Lou said, recalling how hearing the cheers from the crowd made her feel encouraged and confident as she strutted down the runway.
“All this anxiety—it applies to life as well,” Lou told me during our interview.
“During cancer treatment, I was so fearful, I was overthinking… but once I was on the runway, I was like, 'Okay this is what I need to do…' And then you just go for it.”
Fashion for Cancer reminded her that even after cancer, she can be confident in her own skin.
After a successful first run in August 2023, the charity fashion show will have its second run on Aug. 31, 2024.
The show not only helps to raise funds for families who are struggling with the cost of cancer treatments but also aims to bring a sense of confidence back to cancer patients and survivors.
https://mothership.sg/2023/09/ong-bee-yan-fashion-charity-show-cancer-patients/
Mothership spoke to Lou, along with three other cancer survivors who will be part of the upcoming Fashion for Cancer show.
Lou’s cancer journey
When Lou was first diagnosed with breast cancer in September 2019, she was in shock. She was just 30 years old at the time and had no family history of breast cancer.
“I just went silent, like my brain shut down,” Lou recalled when the doctor told her the news.
“Maybe that’s the end of me as well,” she remembered thinking.
Lou's parents passed away when she was young — she lost her father at age 10 and her mother at 17.
She had seen firsthand the detrimental effects of gastric cancer on her mother, and how chemotherapy ended up being too harsh for the latter to cope.
Lou with her mother. Photo courtesy of Lou.
Terrified and in denial of her reality, the last thing Lou wanted to do was chemotherapy.
Yet as her tumour grew, doctors told her the treatment was becoming increasingly urgent.
“And at that point, the doctors kept reminding me, ‘Time is of the essence,’” Lou recalled.
Since Lou had stage three breast cancer, there was a dire risk of the cancer spreading to other parts of the body.
A month after Lou was first diagnosed, after much convincing from her doctor, she finally agreed to chemotherapy.
The association of long hair with femininity
The challenges did not end there. Lou not only had to grapple not only with the fear of losing her life but also with the physical consequences that come with one's cancer journey, especially losing her hair.
Lou had kept her hair long since she was 10 when she was old enough to refuse her mum’s insistence on giving her a “mushroom head” hairstyle.
Young Lou with a "mushroom head" haircut. Photo courtesy of Lou.
"To know that I will eventually lose it [because of chemotherapy] was quite a hit to my confidence," Lou shared, with thoughts such as "How do I see myself without hair?" and "How do I face people without hair?" running through her mind.
Lou with long hair before her cancer diagnosis. Photo courtesy of Lou
Charlene Koh, 40, who was diagnosed with stage one HER2 breast cancer (an aggressive and fast-growing form of the cancer) in 2019, felt the same as well.
“I used to have very long hair,” Koh said, describing it as Kim Kardashian-esque. The idea of losing it made her feel hopeless and lost as it was the hair she always had growing up.
Photo courtesy of Koh, from a photoshoot before she was diagnosed with cancer.
Lou and Koh both shared that losing their hair from treatment was something they struggled to come to terms with.
Long hair was something they had always associated with beauty and femininity. At that time, losing their hair felt like losing part of their femininity.
Soon after starting chemotherapy, Lou described how a simple combing could lead to chunks of her hair falling onto the floor.
"This was the first cut after I accepted treatment, because I couldn't deal with losing my hair all at once," Lou told Mothership. Photo courtesy of Lou.
Lou's bob haircut a week later after the first initial cut. Photo courtesy of Lou.
In a desperate attempt to keep it, she tried cold capping, which she described as an expensive and “very torturous” method of using a tight-fitting helmet-like hat filled with a cold gel that is said to help minimise hair loss from chemotherapy.
Unfortunately, it was to no avail.
Two months after she began treatment, she resigned herself to her fate and shaved her hair off.
Lou with her hair shaved off. Photo courtesy of Lou.
"Why am I still alive?"
Hair loss is perhaps the most obvious sign of cancer in many cancer patients, but the other physical symptoms they experience are not insignificant.
Ulcers in their mouths and throats, body aches, muscle spasms, and deep fatigue were just some of the symptoms that survivors recall from their treatment.
“It’s like you don’t have control over your body anymore,” said Deborah Roques, 38, who has stage four breast cancer and is in remission with ongoing treatment.
“Your body becomes so weak so fast,” she said.
“It’s quite scary actually,” she continued. “Your mind is still active. You know how you were the day before, how physically strong you could feel.”
Christopher Lek, 40, recalls:
“I did ask myself this question: 'Why am I still alive?'"
Lek was diagnosed with leukaemia in 2022 at the age of 38, after going to the doctor when he noticed uncontrollable bleeding from his gums.
His gums would bleed from a simple brushing or flossing, and no amount of gurgling could wash the persistent taste of iron in his mouth.
During treatment, Lek would experience mouth sores so painful that he struggled to eat.
There’s no “end” to the journey, Koh told me, as cancer patients face a long road ahead toward recovery even after their treatment has ended.
"After cancer, I feel more confident in my own skin"
Throughout their journeys, all four had to grapple with what beauty meant to them.
As Lou grew out her hair, she decided to get a pixie haircut for the first time.
Photo courtesy of Lou.
With the long luscious hair she had grown accustomed to for the past 20 years, Lou said she never pictured herself having short hair.
Yet as she received numerous compliments for her shorter hair, Lou decided to keep the hairstyle she once was so adamantly against.
“I wouldn’t go back to long hair now,” Lou said, adding, “After cancer…I feel confident in my own skin.”
“I’m less critical of myself,” she mused, explaining that she would previously take other people’s negative comments about her personally.
“But after cancer, it’s like I’ve been through something worse.”
“Beauty is more than skin deep,” said Koh, explaining that beauty comes from confidence and being yourself.
After cancer, Koh also decided to stick with a pixie haircut. Photo courtesy of Koh.
Models for Fashion for Cancer
Lou, Koh, Roques, and Lek are all cancer survivors, but they have another thing in common — they are part of 25 models who will walk the runway in this year’s Fashion for Cancer show.
Lou and Koh participated in the first edition of Fashion for Cancer in 2023.
Photo courtesy of Lou.
Photo via @chupachupchar/Instagram
Upon hearing that Fashion for Cancer will have its second edition this year, they did not hesitate at the opportunity to support the charity event again.
For newer models, Roques and Lek, who have yet to take the stage, the charity event provides an opportunity for them to participate in something they’ve never done before.
Photo taken by Amber Tay.
Photo taken by Amber Tay.
“When I was a teenager I wanted to be a model or be part of the showbusiness industry,” Lek quipped.
While he ended up working in the financial industry, in a way, Fashion for Cancer fulfils the dreams he had when he was younger.
Photo taken by Amber Tay.
Photo taken by Amber Tay.
“I don’t think people would have expected the words cancer and fashion to go together,” Roques said. “That is the beauty of the event.”
When I spoke to Roques ahead of a photoshoot for Fashion for Cancer in late March, I asked how she felt about the experience.
“I’m quite excited to meet with all the other models,” said Roques with a smile. “I guess we have a lot of things in common, actually.”
Cancer is a word so notoriously associated with death but the cancer survivors of Fashion for Cancer that I spoke to each expressed an appreciation for life — something many of us often take for granted.
Though the models come from different walks of life, my interviews with them made me rethink my views on beauty and my approach to life.
As they walk the runway in the upcoming weeks, these models will once again showcase their own definitions of beauty and fashion.
Fashion for Cancer 2024
Fashion for Cancer organisers are targeting to raise S$200,000 this year.
While tickets for the Fashion for Cancer show on Aug. 31 are sold out, there are a number of ongoing fundraising initiatives as well.
Local cafe The Social Space is donating S$1 for every cold brew coffee sold till Dec. 31.
Social enterprise Re-store has also partnered with Fashion for Cancer to co-design a bag inspired by Rong's favourite cross body bag, with the proceeds dedicated to cancer research, cancer patients and their families.
The short film "A Busman's Holiday", directed by Rong before his passing with the support of Income Insurance, will be screened for charity on his death anniversary on Sep. 18, 2024.
It is about an unlikely friendship between Rong, who stars as himself in the film, and a British expat, Doug, whom he met in a shared hospital ward during the pandemic.
It will be screened at Stella Beach Lounge at Changi Coast, a venue owned by a good friend of Rong, who will also be sponsoring the food and drinks as a way of giving back to Rong.
Direct donations to Fashion for Cancer can also be made via Giving.sg.
Screenshot via Fashion for Cancer 2023 video.
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Photos courtesy of interviewees and via Fashion for Cancer on Instagram
