‘Better to be alone than with the wrong person’: 5 S’poreans share why they are embracing singlehood

On Oct. 10, the National Population and Talent Division released survey findings highlighting the fact that "many single respondents have not dated before".

This Marriage and Parenthood survey was conducted from February to June 2021, with respondents comprising 2,848 single and 3,017 married Singapore residents, aged 21 to 45 years old.

Singles were defined as those who have never married before.

Among the respondents who were single, 50 per cent were not currently dating and within this group, 38 per cent had never dated before.

Among those not currently dating, reasons cited were:

• Having a limited social circle (58 per cent)
• Not having many opportunities to meet potential partners (57 per cent)
• Their preference to leave dating to chance (48 per cent)
• Wanting to concentrate on job or studies (37 per cent)
• Finding it difficult to form romantic relationships (36 per cent)

To explore this phenomenon, we spoke to five Singaporean millennials about their reasons for embracing singlehood.

Here’s what they shared.

1) “I highly enjoy my own company and space”

I think most people stay off dating from bad experiences.

For me, I'm just not interested in finding a better half.

I have no dating apps on my phone as trying to find someone this way feels counterintuitive.

I would rather get to know someone as friends first, perhaps through a common hobby, rather than through a dating app, with this expectation that we must and will fall in love.

I also happen to be one of the lucky ones that have a specific combination of two things:

1. I highly enjoy my own company and space
2. I have my own interests and hobbies to cater to my social needs and do not need a partner to do so

Another reason why I don’t want to be in a relationship right now stems from my own burdens at home.

Already I have multiple complex issues with elderly dependent parents that there is little desire nor energy to get into a relationship - or go through that process of finding one - which to me, would create more pain than soothe what I’m going through.

This may change of course, when the right person comes along.

Until then, I’m good with being by myself.

Guan Zhen, 27

2) Not ready to date; my personal development comes first

I have been single my whole life.

Seeing friends around me get into relationships and breaking up after has led me to feeling rather jaded about relationships in general.

I feel this way also because the reasons for their break-ups have been so varied - from mismatched personalities, not being able to tolerate each other's families to unmet expectations and toxic behaviours.

Having said this, I have two main reasons for not wanting to get into a relationship at the moment:

1. I don’t think my own character and personality is fully developed, and I want to establish this without a partner influencing this process
2. Potential dates I’ve met in the past have mostly lacked maturity, and I don’t want to settle for a relationship where my expectations aren't met

Michelle, 25

3) Waiting for someone who shares the same life goals

I don’t want to commit to a relationship right now because I can’t find someone who shares my views on important issues like where to live, where to work, children, values, etc.

Obviously couples can and will disagree on a lot of things, but clashing on big, important issues will just lead to misery down the road, so it’s important to get it right now.

S.D, 34

4) Pursuing financial stability and enjoying the freedom of being single at the moment

I am in a phase of life where my perspectives are different from when I was much younger.

There are many considerations I have such as achieving financial stability to address my basic needs before finding a partner.

On top of that, there is also a need to consider the level of suitability, compatibility and responsibility of both myself and the other party.

At the moment, I enjoy the freedom of being single and have no thoughts of getting into a relationship.

Donald, 35

5) “Not had much chemistry nor compatibility with many of the guys I’ve gone on dates with”

I’ve been on and off dating apps for the past five years but can’t seem to find the right person to get into a relationship with.

Besides not having much chemistry nor compatibility with the guys I’ve gone on dates with, I’ve even met several guys who ended up being red flags.

At the moment, I’m working on improving myself so that I will have better chances in attracting the type of partner I want.

Until then, I believe it’s better to be alone than to be with the wrong person.

Mabel, 28

Singlife offers a new kind of relationship where you can grow your money your way

We get it - the dating scene is complex and relationships can be a complicated affair, begging the question if the “ideal partner” truly exists.

Certain ideals that you might value in a relationship may include having a partner who:

• Respects your need for space and freedom
• Makes the effort to stay in love
• Puts your needs first

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This policy is underwritten by Singapore Life Ltd. Terms and conditions apply. This article is published for general information only and does not have regard to the specific investment objectives, financial situation and particular needs of any specific person. Please refer here for more information on Singlife Account.

Protected up to specified limits by SDIC. This advertisement has not been reviewed by the Monetary Authority of Singapore. The information is accurate as of Nov. 17, 2022.

This sponsored article by SingLife made this writer want to get into a “relationship” with them.

Top image by Joshua Tsu on Unsplash