[SPOILERS] We reviewed the live-action “Beauty and the Beast” based on how gay it is

Singapore censors, please take note.

By Nyi Nyi Thet | March 21, 2017

Before we get to the meat of the review, here’s a quick disclaimer: This review isn’t based on how good the film is.

Personally, I thought it was an alright attempt at recreating the timeless 1991 classic, but it ultimately suffered from the additional 45-minute run-time.

But after the hullabaloo over a gay character here in Singapore, it is clear a movie isn’t judged on peripheries like plot, character work or cinematography — but rather on how gay it is.

Disclaimer 2: Spoilers after this point. You have been warned.

Opening

Straight from the get-go, the film provided a quick visual on the origins of the Beast.

While the original was told through a brilliant stained glass montage, the new tale features more chronologically-apt costumes.

Like this:

The costumes, and settings contributed to the French bourgeoisie feel that some might have found lacking in the original.

Which, straight off the bat, is a way gayer opening than the original.

Main Character

Emma Watson is a good heterosexual choice for the character of Belle, although we’re sure if the liberal gay-genda had their way, Ryan Gosling would be the lead.

But as it stands, it isn’t more or less gay than the original.

Songs

Now, this is a tough fight, the original had some pretty gay songs.

Gaston’s sidekick, LeFou, sang about how thick Gaston’s neck was.

But the original didn’t explicitly state that LeFou was gay, so we just assumed he was a straight man who followed a muscular, good-looking man around and broke into random songs about the thickness of his neck.

You know, like a normal heterosexual person would, of course.

But the live-action version of LeFou is a morally bankrupt homosexual who follows a good straight man around, trying his best to convert him to his own homosexual lifestyle as he sings inappropriate songs about how awesome Gaston is.

Freaking Western media.

LeFou

Now, this is the most insidious change in the film.

As we mentioned above, he sings inappropriate songs about Gaston, but the even more disturbing super gay scene comes towards the end of the movie where he shares a dance with another — wait for it — dude.

The scene lasts for a whopping two seconds. Had I not averted my eyes, I would most definitely have been at Tantric later that night.

If LeFou wasn’t outed as gay by the film’s director, that could just have been an innocent dance with another straight man, but as it stands, it has turned into a moratorium of good family morals.

And this is exactly the point, right —

Why did he have to be gay?

There was absolutely no need for LeFou to be gay.

The original movie didn’t explicitly say he was gay, why should this new one make that call.

In fact, that is such a great question that we should all ask any gay acquaintance we might know why they are gay.

Chances are, they are doing it out of some sneaky liberal agenda.

Conclusion

So, overall, the live-action “Beauty and the Beast” is a much gayer film than the original, so look out for all the aforementioned gay moments, and make sure you point them out to your extremely vulnerable and susceptible-to-gay-influence child.

Because what better way to honour a movie that basically tells us not to judge people by their covers, or labels, than focusing solely on a label for the entire movie, right?

 

Top photo via

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About Nyi Nyi Thet

Thet has a chronic fear of teenage girls laughing at him. He sometimes puts on a cap in his room and yells “Gryffindor”.

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