We might come from diverse backgrounds but there are just a few rites of passage that Singaporeans go through that make us nod our heads in vigorous agreement or shake our heads in deep and audible commiseration at our shared experiences.

1. Participate in PSLE (bo bian)

Our own version of Hogwarts’ Sorting Hat but definitely less enchanting. These four letters, which descend upon 12-year-olds and their entire families each year, can trigger the start of many exam nightmares to come.

Multiply this with the number of kids you have (don't forget your very own experience), and you get the most consistent form of terror that Singapore has created. Like ever.

Parents pay mad money for tuition lessons, apply for leave, brew tonic soup, struggle to find out when Car A and B exactly meet and basically angst through the exam together with their child.

2. Serve National Service

As a male Singaporean, bo pian, sure have to serve. 

Even if you’re the fairer sex, confirm chop you will have a male friend or relative who will be going through this anyway. And he will definitely tell you all about it so there’s no escaping; be prepared to hear no end about it.

Even years after the guys have ORDed, don't forget there's still the yearly In-Camp Training (that's another story altogether).

3. Study X 9,000

PSLE is not the end all and be all as we (and our parents) always want the best for ourselves. So once you’ve gotten past the first hurdle of PSLE, no matter your aggregate score (soon to be changed to bands) and whether you got into a “good school”, you’re bound to pursue higher education.

Say hello to O Levels, A Levels and tertiary education.

You can do part-time work or can hopefully count on Mom and Dad to pay for your higher education first via their CPF.  Of course, you have to pay them back eventually.

4. Queue for food

Some time during our lives, Singaporeans will find our latent need to queue for food unleashed. We can’t help ourselves. Even if we had to pay to even join the queue in the first place, some of us would readily do so.

It’s not about the time taken but the destination. No idea which is the best stall? Always look for the queue. The one with the longest queue confirm the best. Or maybe the hawker is just wols.

5. Buy your first home

So you’ve worked a few good years and met the love of your life. After popping the very romantic question of “Would you BTO me?” and collecting the keys to your new flat, it’s time to move out from your parents’ home.

If you’re like most of us, heng ah can pay part of your down payments and monthly installments with your CPF money that’s been sitting tight since you collected your first paycheck.

6. Speak in acronyms

If you’ve made it this far in life in Singapore, the following sentence - spoken in one breath - would not faze you one bit:

“COE up again so cannot buy car and have to take MRT to collect keys for my BTO. B

ut today got train breakdown so have to call Grab to go CBD and went by CTE cos the PIE was jammed but suay kena the ERP.”

This one considered easy already, but you get our drift.

7. Contemplate spending ridiculous amount on a piece of paper … we mean, car

It’s the Singaporean dream to own a car but first you must get that COE first. So that you can spend some $100,000 on something that you can only drive for only 10 years. Join the queue?

8. Collect CPF!

This is the final goal to mark the end of your professional life and one that many Singaporeans look forward to. When you hit 65 years old, you get monthly payouts from CPF. Time to kick back, reflect on how far you’ve come and enjoy the fruits of your labour.

One issue though, why are men always so unlucky - kena accidents and ill health - in gahmen videos one?

This post fuels Mothership.sg so our writers can grow our CPF.

Top photo from MINDEF

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