It's that time of the year again.

Where the sombre realisation that you have not saved any money over the year is appropriately paired with the societal pressure to buy everyone everything.

And even in this hot mess of emptied bank accounts, there is a clear winner for worst thing of the month.

Secret Santa.

Holding a Secret Santa in the office is the dumbest thing ever. Here's why.

1. Giving presents to colleagues

Gifts are supposed to be a personal thing, where you put in initiative and thought for the people you love.

Like your parents, your best friend of 10 years, and, unfortunately due to Secret Santa, that guy who keeps borrowing your pencil but never returns it.

Yes, you have to give a gift to someone just because said person sought employment from your place around the same time you did.

It doesn't matter if he has been absolutely horrible to you for the entire year, or is a closet pencil themed kleptomaniac, you just have to suck it up and give him a present.

Yayyy.

2. Cryptic clues

Now, all this would be fine, if the person you are secret santa-ing (see, you can't verb this at all) would just tell you straight up what they wanted.

But no, they want some element of surprise.

Here are the worst answers to give when a colleague tries to ask what you want.

1. Surprise me

2. You don't know me enough meh? (No I don't know you enough, we are literally forced by capitalism to be with each other)

3. Come on man, it's called SECRET Santa for a reason.

Yeah, it's called Secret Santa, because the person giving you the gift (your santa) is secret, not because you have to keep what you want a secret.

By your logic, the whole thing should be called Disappointment Santa instead.

3. Gift vouchers are freaking difficult to get

I know some of you might be saying, why not give your colleague a gift voucher?

Because it's the most complex thing in the world.

How do you get them? Do you have to buy something first? Where are my pencils?

So if you Google "Takashimaya gift voucher", this is the first result.

Cool beans, let's click on it.

And even when you get a website that specialises in providing gift vouchers, this is what you get.

100 dollars in actual real life cash for a S$100 voucher?

How does that make any sense at all?

Idiot getting gift voucher: Hey, what can I get for S$100?"

Gift voucher salesman: Awesome! You can get S$100 right back, but you get it in a voucher form, also you can only use it in a specific store, so it is kinda useless, anddd there's an expiry date, after which it's completely useless! Kthxbye!

And you can't get them straight cash, because it's not "socially acceptable".

So you got to take a leap of faith, and God forbid you give a lousy gift, because now, you're the guy in the office who gives lousy gifts, and that stigma grows year by year like a corporate tumour, until no gift you can buy will effectively erase that label, your whole corporate life tainted by that unfair accusation.

Sigh.

In conclusion, Secret Santa sucks.

Top image adapted from here

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