5 scenarios where passive-aggressiveness should never apply

What's the point of saying what you do (to hide what you don't), really.

Jade Seah | June 12, 2016, 12:53 PM

The Urban Dictionary defines "passive aggressive" as "A defense mechanism that allows people who aren't comfortable being openly aggressive to get what they want under the guise of still trying to please others. They want their way, but they also want everyone to still like them".

In other words, highly annoying. Here are some classic weapons passive-aggressive people have in their arsenal of self-perceived non-aggression.

1. When they hate your idea

“I think it’s a good idea… what do you think?”

Erm, I suggested it in the first place, so what do you think I think?

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2. When they are trying to wrangle a favour or an invite

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“I wish I could go too…”

If you want to go, just ASK if it’s okay that you come along.

“So convenient to have a car! Don’t worry about me though; I’ll catch a cab.”

If you want a lift, ASK if you can catch a ride if it’s convenient for the driver. The worst are the ones where after this, you offer them a lift and they decline because they expect you to then insist. I personally have near-zero patience for such behaviour – I will just say bye and leave.

3. When they can’t just be happy for another person

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“I love your new bag! I wish I could afford one like that but too bad I don’t earn as much as you and have to support my parents.”

“Oh I thought your engagement ring would be bigger. I’m not sure though – is three months’ salary is still the going rate?”

This sort of tiny put-downs, said with the malicious intent of making the other person feel bad, is very toxic and negative behaviour. I personally eject people like these out of my life, and you should too.

 

4. When they are upset with you – but don’t say it

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You text a really close friend in the morning to ask if she is free to hang over the weekend.

Silence.

You follow up the next day, thinking she was busy and forgot to reply (happens to the best of us!).

Silence.

You wonder if something bad happened to this person. You call another friend to check if she’s heard from her.

Friend says they had dinner the night before and that she’s meeting up with another group of friends tonight. She lets slip that close friend in question might be a bit pissed with you over something.

The worst is if you're me and are genuinely surprised in such an instance.

 

5. When they are upset with you – and drop little digs and hints on social media

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The story continues. You check social media and see a post of the friend you’re been trying to reach via text, laughing with a group of friends, with a caption like:

“That’s why I only hang out now with real friends.”

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At least tag so we'll know for sure, right?

Top picture credits.

 

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