15 highly honest descriptions you wish existed for Singaporean jobs

Joking only ah, don't so serious.

Jonathan Lim| October 31, 09:47 AM

Many jobs have their glamourous sides and their job descriptions tend to sell this glamour to attract more talent.

Of course, the daily grind will bring people back to reality. Ever had a misunderstanding of how some people have more awesome jobs than yours?

Maybe you'll change your mind and empathise with people you know working in these professions once you see these honest descriptions:

 

1. Bus captain

Will attain the rank of captain, but no commuter will salute you. In fact, less than one in ten will even acknowledge your existence.

Must have supreme bladder and bowel endurance.

2. Public/Civil Servant

Applicants have to frequently entertain comments on something called "iron rice bowl"

Will have to face members of the public who are prone to deliver statements to this effect: "Eh hello! My income tax and GST pays for your salary you know!"

Will have to face the wrath of relatives during Chinese New Year/Hari Raya/Deepavali gatherings when they have some gripes about the government.

2. Hawker

Rewarding career where customers expect great food at cheap prices without any queues.

Stalls are not expected to be open 24/7, they just have to be whenever patrons are hungry.

4. Teacher

Contrary to the job title, teaching will form only 30 - 40% of the workload.

The rest will be spent replying WhatsApp messages from parents, 5 p.m meetings with the principal, preparing consent forms, and a highly important process called 'Marking'.

5. Police officer

Aside from fighting crime and making Singapore safe, applicant must be able to take frequent calls usually after 11 p.m to stop "neighbours who are making a lot of noise".

Applicant must be prepared for some children below the ages of 6 to be terrified of you because their parents will threaten them with "if you don't behave, the mata uncle will come catch you then you know".

6. Nurse

As someone who will handle life-and-death situations, clean up biological messes, and handle distraught and sometimes unreasonable patients and their families, applicant must be able to wake up every morning to do it again.

Must be able to respond immediately to the word 'Meesee'.

7. Advertising folks

Must have no pride or super thick skin when dealing with demanding clients.

Must forget the warm embrace of sunshine and love the smell of bullshit.

8. Social media influencer

Must be very full of yourself to think you can influence anything.

Physical attractiveness is not neccessary but a bonus, but proficiency in photograph-editing applications and camera-angling is essential.

9. Journalist

Must be able to understand that no matter what you write, people will think you are producing propaganda.

Despite the job title, applicant must understand that there is no real journalism in Singapore.

10. Construction worker

You literally will build Singapore.

No Singaporean wants this job.

11. Minister

Expect to be made into a meme especially if you have a meme-able name.

People will constantly say that they can do your job for half of your salary.

12. Doctor

Blood, blood everywhere.

Have to deal with patients dying on you and being helpless to stop their deaths.

13. Lawyer

Must understand that one missed/misplaced word can cost your job.

Must deal with people thinking that all lawyers are like those that appear in courtroom dramas.

14.  Air steward/stewardesses

Job will make you appreciate Singapore's humidity.

Passengers will always mistake that your top priority is their need for more drinks/food and not their safety.

15. Insurance agents

Must be able to go up to anyone on the street and ask "Hello! Can you help me do a short survey?"

Constantly post motivational pictures and articles on Facebook about stepping out of comfort zone or daring to fail.

 

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