So the Straits Times published a listicle giving readers 'tips' on how to live 'cheaply' in Singapore. It encouraged people to enjoy $0.30 soya bean drinks from Kovan and $1 hotdogs from Ikea. It got lampooned by Mothership.sg here and here and was also shot down by many netizens. The original article has apparently been taken down.

We won't give you any inane and condescending ways to live on the cheap in the world's 'most expensive city'. We'll tell you how to live life in Singapore like a diva.

Here are 30 ways.

1. Buy soya bean drinks that cost $1.20

Nothing more badass than livin' it up drinking $1.20 soya bean drinks when other plebians in Singapore travel all the way to Kovan for $0.30 ones. For the truly rich, you can even order a Michael Jackson.

2. Buy a car

$60,000 to $70,000 for a piece of paper before you even get to think about touching any metal. Not like a car is a necessity with our public transport system being so reliable. It gets reliably more expensive and breaking down at more reliable intervals.

3. Turn on the air-conditioner at home

Because it is totally not necessary in our weather. Who actually gets woken up by mosquitoes anyway?

The up the ante you need to switch on the aircon, wrap yourself in a thick comforter, and then on the fan.

4. Eat prata with egg

That's right. This will set you back at least $1.50 for one piece.

5. Eat Ikea meatball

So. Baller. Man.

6. Taking MRT outside of Travel Smart a.k.a morning free hours

Taking the train for one-station distance these days will set you back about 70 cents.

7. Visit ArtScience Museum

Why visit the museum for free when you can pay for it? Because you are so baller.

8. Buy a flat/ house in Singapore

This might effective ensure you enroll into slavedom. Or keep you tied up with a loan -- for the rest of your life.

9. Take cab

A simple ride from Point A to Point B in Singapore in a air-conditioned car will set you back $15 to $20. Especially when midnight charges kick in.

10. Subscribe to watch English Premier League matches

One of the most expensive subscription rates in the world right here in Singapore. Just to watch a bunch of overpaid men chase a ball around.

11. Exceeding your 2GB data plan

Totally giving money away to your telco.

12. Default on IPPT/RT

Once you get fined, it will start from $50. Who is so free to leave work at 5pm anyways?

13. Watch movie on weekends

This will burn a hole in your pocket just to go to a darkened room for two hours and stare motionlessly at the screen.

14. Have children

This is a sure way to go broke. Have a bunch of kids. It used to cost you an arm and a leg. Now it will cost you an arm, a leg and your health as well as at the expense of at least a holiday for two twice a year.

15. Renovate your house

What better to splurge then to make your new home livable? A few coats of paint here, a customised designed cupboard there, will set you back $30,000 to $40,000 for a four-room HDB flat.

16. Eat out

When you eat out these days, bear this in mind: You are not paying for food. You are paying for the restaurateur's rent.

17. Go shopping

Everything will cost you a lot of money because everything is imported, including the sales staff.

18. Go clubbing

Taking a cab to club? Cost money. Buy alcohol? Cost even more money. Pay for the ladies entrance? Even more money. Take a cab home after midnight? Broke.

19. Smoke

One way to go broke in Singapore is to smoke. Each cigarette costs about 50 cents a piece these days.

20. Go to Sentosa

Sentosa is a place where you get ripped off left, right and centre.

21. Gym membership

Yes, sign up for one of these and you will be forking out money for something you wouldn't even use often.

22. Go to hipster cafes

$6 for a cup of coffee? $7 for a slice of cake?

23. Eating in food courts

Pay 50 cents more to top up on aircon and soulless cooked food by people who might not even be local and not paid minimum wage. Yummy.

24. Not buying house brand

Because I cannot be seen wiping my ass with NTUC Fairprice toilet paper.

25. Hair cuts that cost more than $10

Because the more money you pay, the more handsome you will turn out, right? Wrong.

26. Park any time and any where you want

This will cost you a few dollars easily for an hour. And go to town and the Central Business District to park your vehicle. Woo hoo! Watch that CashCard drain.

27. Eat mixed rice and have 3 meat + 1 veg

What better way to live dangerously than having 3 meat dishes with your rice?

28. Go Kinokuniya to buy books

Because you're not sure how many of the books from the National Library have been read by other readers in the toilet before.

29. Go to Flower dome after visiting the Super Trees

Because you want to pay when you are at the Gardens By The Bay as it is more comfortable with air-conditioning.

30. Go for tuition

This is a billion-dollar industry. All that money comes from poor parents who want their children to do well and go to university but there are limited places in universities in Singapore eventually.

Related articles

30 ways to really live ‘cheaply’ in Singapore, the world’s ‘most expensive city’

Not sure if The Straits Times’ ’30 ways to live ‘cheaply’ in Singapore’ list is really impractical propaganda

Top photo from here.