5 ways to make your Chinese wedding a better experience for the bride, groom and everyone else

Make each step of the process more meaningful.

Vivian Quah| February 22, 02:25 PM

Previously, a Mothership.sg writer wrote about the perils of getting hitched: 5 things we need to stop doing at traditional Chinese weddings in Singapore for a start.

Yes, some of these practices can seem annoying and meaningless, but there are steps the bride and groom can take to make The Big Day experience better.

For example:

 

1. Find out the meaning behind Chinese customs and practices

wedding-gift

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As young Singaporeans, we're not as in touch with some traditions as our parents' generation. Some Chinese customs can, therefore, seem old-fashioned.

However, there's a Chinese saying called "饮水思源", which means to never forget your roots.

Whether your dialect is Teochew, Hokkien, Cantonese or Hakka, there are interesting variations to your wedding customs. You can check out this guide to learn more.

So, the first thing you should do is to find out more about your custom so that any process you go through will make more sense and be more meaningful.

The last thing you want to do is to feel like you are going through the motions.

And if you still feel strongly against any of them, then it's probably the right time to explain why doing away with certain procedures will make for a happier bride and groom.

 

2. Don't let the ang bao money strain your relationships

red-packets

Or in Chinese: 红包是死的,人是活的

Yes, the average cost of your wedding can range from $30,000 all the way to $80,000. Yes, the ang bao money from your relatives will help reduce your financial burden.

But why are you having a wedding in the first place?

It's because the people you invited mean something to you and they are there to witness and celebrate your big day with you.

Not because you want their money for a showy occasion.

If you would like to break away from the norm, maybe you can try writing a note or post photos online sometime later on in the year to remember and thank those who gave you ang bao money on your big day.

It is a small surprise but a little effort goes a long way.

 

3. Invest in your invitations to tell your love story to the people you love

handwritten-invitation

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On your wedding day, let your relatives and friends know more about how you and your future spouse met and what you love about each other, because your wedding is only the beginning, and these are the people that will be there for you the rest of your married life.

And you don't need to rely on videos to do such things.

You can do this by working more closely with your wedding stationer to design an invitation that expresses your personalities. It doesn't have to be expensive, just thoughtful.

This will leave a stronger impression on anyone who will be attending many other cookie-cutter weddings throughout the year.

 

4. Request an "unplugged" wedding

no-instagram

Now this is really trying something different.

These days, every wedding couple we know has a wedding couple hashtag. This is to invite guests to take photos to post on their social media accounts.

There is no right or wrong in this matter, except that by leaving the photo-taking to the professionals hired by the bride and groom, you are indicating to everyone present to just enjoy the moment and not fuss about their phones or cameras.

Don't get me wrong. If you live and breathe attention, soak it all up and think of ways to increase the quantity and quality of those photos. If you want it, own it!

Just briefly explain what you hope for during the wedding and promise that you will share professional photos later.

 

5. Reconsider gatecrashing

gatecrashing-games

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Now this is the much dreaded part.

It's all in the name of fun and laughter, even though there are many horror stories of how the groom suffered from food poisoning after eating Oreo filled with toothpaste that had been painstakingly prepared by the bridesmaids.

Just a bit of background as to why gatecrashes became a tradition: This tradition was passed down as a way for the bride's parents to show that they cannot bear to part with their daughter. The groom will have to prove his sincerity by overcoming several obstacles to be able to take her away. But there is also an alternative belief that we shouldn't do gatecrashing, because we want this process of fetching the bride to be 顺顺利利, which means smooth-sailing, just like their future together.

As you can tell, this tradition is not a strict Chinese tradition like the tea ceremony.

So our question is once again, why are we doing this? Will this make the bride and groom happy?

You shouldn't feel pressurised just because everyone is doing it.

 

Conclusion

And there you have it, some ideas worth trying on how to get the most value out of your Chinese wedding.

It's not about executing every single tip in this post, but understanding why you are planning your wedding in the first place.

Many couples may say that these tips are not practical or that this is just not the norm in Singapore.

But at the end of the day, it is your wedding isn't it? What do you want?

 

Top photo via

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