5 things I wished I could have said to my younger junior college self

If only I knew then what I know now.

Ong Shi Man| February 27, 02:44 AM

I passed my A-level exams more than a year ago in November 2013. Somehow it still feels recent.

The major consensus between my friends, seniors and I is that none of us want to go back to that period of time again -- even if we were given a choice.

Making it past A-levels was difficult. It was a time that filled me with self-doubt, self-loathing and unhappiness.

Don’t get me wrong. I loved junior college life. I was feeling my happiest. It was a milestone because I was surrounded by old and new friends that I knew would last a lifetime.

However, A-levels was an entirely different matter. It didn’t matter how many friends or how much fun I had. A-levels was hell.

I am a stubborn person. And it took me two years throughout JC to realise many things on my own.

I could have saved myself the blood and tears if I listened to people who have been there and done that. But the 18-year-old me “takes no shit from other people.”

I guess what I’m trying to say is that, sometimes if you find your know-it-all seniors or elder siblings or cousins or older peers a tad annoying or overprotective, just know that it’s because they do not want their dear juniors to go through the same pain they went through.

Time flies, and now I find myself in that position. Post-JC, older and slightly wiser (hopefully) than myself two years ago.

 

The following 5 points are what I would have told myself if I only knew then what I know now and how things were going to pan out.

 

1. You are different from everyone. And different is good.

The 2012 me used to “use” my peers as a benchmark for my self-worth. I mean, if I’m applying for the same schools, and getting the same grades and involved in the same activities, I’m probably doing well... right?

I was so wrong.

We are never going to measure up to someone WE CHOSE to compare ourselves to. It’s human nature. There is no sense of achievement if we beat someone who we don’t look up to in any way.

It’s a vicious cycle. We compare ourselves with people we think are better than us and in doing so, we make ourselves miserable because we think nothing can be done about it or we do not see results in the short run.

 

2. The school will resort to any means to bring out the best in you. 

The bell curve, the assembly talks after every single exam, mass mugging activities proudly supported by the school... etc.

In my time, we were told that we were not as intelligent as our seniors. To make things worse, we are told we are “complacent”... In other words, we are lazy and stupid. They provide trend graphs and statistics to make it a fair and accurate statement.

If I’m not wrong, this pep talk is an annual tradition. So take it with a pinch of salt. All your divine, godly, legendary seniors who are held up as exhibiting exemplary role models were probably once “lazy and stupid” J1s and they were probably sitting in the very same spot as you during assembly.

I personally went through this and it was honestly quite a traumatic experience. It was results day after “promos” (final exams for J1s), and we’ve all been warned with rumours of the horrors of results day. Who knew that I’d live to tell the tale.

That day, those who did not meet the promotional criteria upon the release of their J1 results were called out one by one from their classes. We were then sent to an office and offered conditional promotion by dropping one H2 subject or we can choose to repeat Year 1.

I didn’t enjoy the walk of shame along the class corridors. What saved me from wallowing in self-pity and humiliation I was subjected to that day were my supportive friends, family and teachers.

Our basic right to privacy was stripped from us when we needed it the most.

It may be motivation to some. But for many of us, it is downright cruel.

Did it work? Yes. But was it necessary? I would say, there exist alternatives that would have been just as, if not much more effective.

 

3. Follow your heart.

It will never fail you. N E V E R.

I didn’t know I was different. I didn’t know that most of my friends wanted law and medicine till results day, frankly, when they secured their A’s.

It is very easy to get carried away by the competition. But now I know when to draw the line when the competition doesn’t motivate me the way it’s supposed to. It is very admirable to want to be the best. But it is more meaningful if you strive to be your personal best which will get you what you want.

It does not really matter if that is better than the rest. You should never feel the need to measure up with your peers. So don’t fall for it just like me, I didn’t know any better.

 

4. Look out for your friends.

You may not know him or her very well. It could be someone from your CCA who never fails to wave at you during recess, or your ex-classmate from way back in year 20xx, or maybe a friend of your friend.

Unfortunately, there will always be a few who fall through the cracks, those who get defeated by their failures.

If you feel something is up, please, reach out to them.

I didn’t. And till today, I still regret not doing that for someone very important to me, every single day of life. There are just some things in life that you can never bring back.

There will always be someone out there taking it much worse that you.

 

5. No matter how impossible it may seem right now, everything will turn out okay in the end.

Results for Batch 2013 of my JC:

– 25% straight As

– 50% got four H2 As (Usually many people get 1B for General Paper for such cases)

-25% other combinations

(Statistics kindly taken from notes by my ex-classmate from our school briefing.)

I'm part of the 25% that would make this a 100%. In other words, I was part of the OTHER 25% that did not get straight As.

I am not a success story. I have not achieved anything (as of now) that would make what I have to say more credible.

But, I turned out fine.

As naive as this sounds, I realised straight As should not mean the whole world to me.

But, I also understand my situation permits me to say this very easily as compared to some of my dear friends with many other beautiful dreams and passions of their own.

I am lucky because I didn't need it to get to where I am today, which thankfully is all I ever wanted.

This is not a boast. Neither is this a dismissal of the achievements of my friends. Everyone's situation is different.

And it is important we celebrate the success of others, as well as those of our own no matter how big or small it is.

One more thing, it can be unfortunate but inevitable that the society, the school, friends, relatives or anyone for that matter may sometimes define the significance of these achievements differently.

But if you think it matters, then it will.

That's. All. That. Matters.

Looking back, I can now see the mistakes I have made, I see the inevitable, but I also know what are the things I would never stop doing even if I'm given the chance to live my life over again.

Regardless, I am happy wherever I am now. Thanks to my friends, i get to do what I love everyday.

So, don't lose hope my friends! You'll need it to show the world what you’ve got.

 

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