Successful mobile games go viral for many reasons.  Games like Plants Vs Zombies, Flappy Bird, and Angry Birds all have that special spark in them that has the world incessantly poking at their phones. This special spark, sadly, has eluded The Lion Men game.

The game is bad, probably as bad as the movie. We know some of you will still download this 40mb game, just like how countless reviews told you not to watch the film but you still did. Probably because of Eva Cheng. We can only try to dissuade.

1. It is preposterously, unbelievably bad.

We don’t mean Michael Jackson bad, but Justin Bieber bad.  The game’s concept, is to control a lion to run and jump through obstacles and collect points. There are thousands of similar games out there. So what is so unique about this one? Well, the entire game feels like an unfinished school project, rather than an official game of a movie. Now that’s unique.

2. Annoying Soundtrack

From the moment you start the game, after the official movie trailer plays, you are assaulted by a midi sound track designed to test whether your phone’s mute button works. Initially, its repetitiveness simply annoys. Gradually however, the player starts to feel an inexplicable urge to smash his phone and poke his eardrums with a fork.

Why did the creators not put in the movie’s official theme song into the game? (On second thought, we’re not sure which would be worse.)

3. Brilliant Gameplay/Concept

There are only three things you can do in this game. Jump, double jump and roll. Collect oranges and coins to score points to buy absolutely worthless power-ups, to help you collect even more oranges and coins. Eventually, you’ll have more oranges than NTUC and more coins than the Singapore Mint. If you somehow manage to survive the tedium of recycled stages, you still have to contend with the unresponsive controls. Have you ever tried swimming without using your arms and legs? Doing that would be easier than getting the game’s spastic lion to obey your commands.

4. Promises swag, but do you believe you can actually get it?

If you somehow manage to survive the bone crushing tedium and brain numbing sound track, the game claims to reward you with vouchers. Is it worth your time in mobile purgatory? Only you can answer that question.

Related articles:

Eva Cheng is the only reason to watch The Lion Men

Should you watch The Lion Men?

Top photo from iTunes.

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