4 things women need to know about men

If a woman wrote an article about woman, it will be 736,386 things.

Belmont Lay| October 09, 06:15 AM

You probably clicked to read this article because you suddenly found the man in your life hard to understand. (Or because of the featured photo.)

You've asked yourself: What kind of creature derives so much joy from demolishing a greasy burger, sniffing his fingers after scratching his pits, and congratulates himself after digging out a huge-ass piece of ‘gold’ from his nose?

Fret not, ladies. As a guy I'm an expert on men. I've lived as one all my life. True story. We're simpler than your 10-step nightly beauty routine.

If we came in boxes with instruction manuals (no pun intended), this is what the very short product description would look like:

 

1. About the Product: Men Are Secretly Little Boys In Big Bodies

 

Dude Where is my car

We never really grow up. Our bodies just become bigger, we learn to speak socially acceptable adultspeak and take on adult things like responsibilities when necessary. This explains the love for unhealthy food (the meatier, the oilier the better), and the penchant for making awesome boy noises over all forms of ball or combat games.

 

2. Interacting With Your Product: Men Only Do Gross Things In Front Of The Ones They Trust

 

Fart_in_Shower

If we could walk around the house naked without being arrested, we would.

If we could scratch our crotch unabashedly in public without being arrested, we would too.

However, we don’t like jail time so we have been successfully socialised to keep our true selves hidden under layers of adult-ness, layers that will only be shed in front of the ones we trust.

Do not be grossed out if we fart openly in front of you, burp in your face or show you the longest nostril hair we’ve plucked out; these are signs that we trust you. Be honoured.

 

3. How Your Product Works: Men Are Driven By Love

 

Sgag

Source:Sgag

Much like women, men are driven by love too. Love for causes and activities are powerful motivators, but the one love that truly changes a man, is love for another person.

Once another human being has unconditionally accepted his true self (see point 1 above), a man instantly develops a steadfast dedication to making that other human being happy.

This includes eating our vegetables (terribly smelly things, really), putting on our adult-cover and wandering into the dreadfully unfamiliar world of shoe/nail polish/ handbag stores with you.

We will even sacrifice watching that finals match, if we know queuing overnight to get you that Hello Kitty will put a smile on your face.

We will make monkey-like sounds with our friends over Megan Fox bending over Bumblebee, but we will look at you in your rattiest PJs and think you are the most beautiful person in the world because it is you, not Megan Fox, who has accepted our farts unconditionally.

 

4. Maintenance Instructions: Batteries Included, Regular Charging Required

 

Star-wars_Jedi_Kid

Yes, that living, breathing thing in your life actually runs on batteries. Everyday, men strike a delicate balance between doing things out of love, and being their true selves.

Men's batteries get recharged when they get to live out their inner kid, and get drained when the things they do out of love are not in sync with what their inner kid wants.

Just like cars, a man with a flat battery is not able to be driven (pardon the pun) to do things out of love.

In short, we want me-time.

The end.

Top photo from here

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